If you’re anything like me, you almost always need to be doing something throughout the day, even if it just involves finding ways to entertain yourself all on your own.
As you scroll through the apps on your phone — liking everything in sight on Instagram, rolling your eyes at a queasy display of Timehop memories, and somehow mustering the strength to slide past Candy Crush — you finally stumble upon that white and yellow icon, and realize your day is about to get so much better.
The average day usually goes down something like this:
11:50 AM: Watch the girl next to me try to mute the sound of her stomach growling by refreshing her email seven thousand times within the span of two minutes. Been there, doing that.
11:51 AM: Spinning in chair.
11:52 AM: Still spinning in chair.
11:53 AM: Scrolling through Facebook while spinning in chair.
11:54 AM: Dizzy from scrolling through Facebook while spinning in chair.
11:55 AM: Look at phone to see no one texting me as I continue spinning in chair.
11:56 AM: Phone lights up like a beacon of hope. It’s a Snapchat.
11:57 AM: Wonder how to make it look like I have friends while eating lunch at desk by myself.
11:59 AM: Send out as many Snapchats as humanly possible hoping someone will indulge me with a response.
What better way to cure boredom (and a tiny pinch of loneliness) than Snapchat? I mean, between the puppy filter making you look ~100x cuter than you actually are (sorry, basic) and the rainbow explosion coming out of your mouth, Snapchat is bound to provide some pure entertainment…while making you look like a total idiot in the process.
And how do you know when you have a real problem with Snapchat? Answer: when you wake up wondering what the new filter is. And the issue is, you’re really only safe to get your best Snaps when you’re alone. In public, you have to abide by a list of societal rules, like “don’t get uncomfortably close to a stranger to Snap a picture of their hideous shoes” or “don’t take 34 pictures of myself from all different angles until I’m convinced that’s what I really look like.”
So, the most important step is done first and that involves looking around to see if anyone’s staring at you. Realistically, it’s highly unlikely you’re interesting enough for people to stare at, and people could probably care less what you’re doing, even when holding your phone up in your face preparing to take a photo shoot. But, as you readjust, trying to position your phone to capture that “perfect” lighting, you ignore what seems like the countless people around you staring, wondering if you’re a) obsessed with yourself b) taking a picture of them or c) purposely trying to look like an idiot opening and closing your mouth (when really you’re just trying to make it look like you’re a bunny having a snack and sending crumbs all over the place).
Snapchat comes especially in handy when you’re sitting bored at work. Sadly my delusion is real, and as I take my Snaps I sit there hoping someone, anyone, will come up to me and ask me what I’m doing so I can tell them about all the Snapchats I’ve received and now need to respond to. They couldn’t imagine the stress. I’m simply a girl, trying to get the perfect Snapchat while the lighting is way on point.
Between the Discover feature with Cosmo, People magazine, BuzzFeed, and more, Snapchat has really made it so you can never get bored (a big thanks goes to Evan Spiegel, keep doing you). Being able to laugh at yourself because you think you look so funny in the fat effect, or smiling because you think you make the cutest grandpa, Snapchat allows you to feel like you have a million friends while actually making it seem to everyone else that you have none. So again, thanks for that, Snapchat.
As you snap back into the real world and see it’s 3:00 PM, you realize you wasted 3 hours taking pictures of yourself. Embarrassing. But then, in the corner of your eye, you see your weird, old coworker sitting behind you eating her lunch. What better way to give yourself, and all your friends, a laugh than with a good ol’ face swap? You try and play it cool while she takes that big bite of her 5-foot-long sandwich, and suddenly your face is her face and hers is yours. You are now an elderly woman eating a 5-foot-long sandwich and she has not a clue about it. Entertained. And just like that, it’s all worth it.
I can’t stop. I won’t stop.
Snapchat is my tool for entertainment and for that, I embrace it. And that, my friends, is my day at the office. A big thanks to this glorious app for making it that much better.