It’s the end of April and we all know what’s coming….yup, Game of Thrones season 6 is officially here.
Chances are you, like millions of other people, are totally obsessed with Game of Thrones and are psyched to talk about it 24/7. You’re tweeting your reactions, placing your bets in the office death pool, talking about in class. Then again, you might also be one of the many who hear “Jon Snow” and simply think “Oh, fuck, not this again.”
Either way, there’s no denying the show’s cultural reach, so you have one of two options for the next 10 weeks. Either embrace the show like everyone else, or find a way to dull the incessant Game of Thrones chatter. And you know what works well with either strategy? Yes, that’s right, a drinking game!*
*Yes, this requires you being ready to drink whenever, wherever. Do you want to be able to put up with all of this Game of Thrones shit?! Then, unfortunately, alcohol is necessary.
- Every time someone insists Jon Snow will come back from the dead, take a small sip. No need to make your liver deader than Jon Snow.
- When someone insists Jon Snow is dead, okay, just move on and accept it, take a sip. Remember this is someone you don’t need to be friends with.
- When Jon Snow comes back from the dead, pop open a bottle of champagne and guzzle the damn thing. People like Jon Snow! Attempt to pop the cap off so that it hits the contrary loser who kept insisting Jon Snow was dead. He deserves a public shaming.
- If Jon Snow stays dead the whole season, two shots of whiskey. If you are a fan, this is to both mourn a beloved character and mourn the loss of your smugness.
- When someone doesn’t catch the show on Sunday and then bitches all day long on Monday about how hard it is to avoid spoilers, take a shot for courage. You will need it to be around such an insufferable person.
- Take a sip when someone interrupts a Game of Thrones conversation to say they don’t watch the show.
- When someone comes in teary-eyed after the death of their favorite character, enjoy a mournful drink together. Since George R. Martin is a monster, this is the rule that is most likely to get you wasted.
- When someone quotes something and expects you to understand or remember that it was one of Tyrion’s witty quips from last night’s episode, take a sip.
- In a similar vein, if someone claims they’re tapping into their “inner Khaleesi” to “get shit done,” take a sip.
- When someone brings up the sexual violence in the show, and how they’re never watching again, do nothing. Then when they know exactly what happened in the next week’s episode, take a shot.
- Every time someone complains about how it’s so different from the books now, finish your drink.
- The day after the season finale, finish your drink. Then get another and finish it. You’ve made it through-you’ve earned it. Now go and spoil the show for the loser who’s still somehow on season 3.