Why The Man Repeller’s Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard

Kristi
Kristi mainly juggles her time between being a law student and a Kardashian enthusiast. In her free time, she expresses her love for fashion and her future career by being a fashion b(law)gger. Kristi is a proud mom to soon-to-be social media feline phenomenon, Mink Milli (@minkmilli on instagram). She graduated from the University of Florida, and she is well renowned for always using storing sweaters in her stove. If you ever need a candy pick-me-up, you can always find Kristi with an endless supply of sweets as she takes the saying “you aren’t you when you’re hungry” very seriously.

Guys, do you ever find yourself getting sick of being with the same girl? I mean, I get it, we all have a “type,” but soon don’t all of your old flings start to blend together into one big intimacy database?

Ja Rule, the real romancer of our time, taught us about the “Down @$$ B-tch.” Why not step-back, evaluate, and refresh your sexual history by upgrading your chick type? To all the ladies in the place with style and grace, step aside. Guys, da-na-na-na it’s time for the next episode and a new bomb-chick in your life.

Fellas, allow me to introduce you to this new girl on the block. By new, I don’t mean like “new, new.” What I really mean is that same euphoric “new!” feeling that you feel when you discover those Air Jordans that you forgot a family member purchased for you a few months back.

 

This “new” girl elicits those same feelz because she’s wearing just that. She’s dressed to impress with those Air Jordans (kid’s size, I’m not trying to sell you Big Foot here) and a backwards b-ball cap. This girl is what we coin a “Man Repeller,” yet she must be using the wrong bug spray as she’s doing nothing but grabbing your heart. (shoutout Leandra Medine at www.manrepeller.com)

This girl borrows her clothing look from the boys on the reg, and now, rather than wanting your articles of clothing back, you just want her. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that everybody is borrowing from everybody else through their choice of dress anyway.  It’s nice. It means we really did all learn to share in kindergarten. Why not appreciate this kind gesture and begin to share your heart?

Guys, you say it yourself: “Ain’t nobody do it like you.”  This girl agrees and that’s why she conforms to your style.  You gotta respect the fact that this girl accessorizes her overalls with Yeezy boosts.

This girl even molds to your sense of humor! She laughs at your own jokes! She will constantly exclaim, “you’re so funny!” even if in reality she means “I’m so funny!” You’ll never know, and you’ll love it. Who doesn’t love a good ego boost? Kanye himself can tell you that. You both know a good man repeller when you see one, you’re visionaries.

Before you start judgin’ this new phenomenon of “man repellers coming to a bedroom near you,” dude, don’t forget that we have to deal with you too.  It is a well-known fact that Adidas slides and knee high socks do not go together but you do it anyway.  You can’t even say you make it your own look and are “the exception” because literally this looks bad on everybody. Also, how can you make it your own? This look only requires two pieces? Do the math. Anyway, this is one time where THERE-IS-NO-EXCEPTION.

Guys, the purpose here is not to repel us. So, those tight shirts that you think make your arms look bigger/think pay homage to the fact that you pledged a fraternity, those shirts shape your torsos like deformed baked potatoes. Mr. Potato Head was a great toy way back when but does not serve as a proper candidate to join us as our arm candy.

Either way, we forgive you and we still deep down want you. Now give us a chance and shed some light on the man repellers.

This girl is the girl that you bring home to Mom for Sunday dinner.  As ironic as this sounds, picture this: she’s not wearing that blouse that buttons in the back in that you hate.  She knows that if you plan on getting busy for your main course, your inner Inspector Gadget will need to come out to actually unbutton the buttons. This girl is wearing a dress with converses. Her outfit is easy like Sunday morning, except it’s dinner so it’s not morning.

In exchange for the occasional cameltoe, the man repeller will also never wear those boyfriend jeans that you hate. You know the ones where you really can’t tell if they droop in the @$$ due to an accident or if that droopy jean look is just intentional.

You will never find a man repeller in Herve Leger. You don’t want those girls. Believe me. No matter how hard you try, a Herve Leger girl’s only response is, “that’s cute.” BORING and an unnecessary strike to your self-esteem. Guys, trade in this generic model for the “real deal,” a more economic strategy if you will, as the ManRepeller is a master in the men’s section. She orders her own sweaters from the men’s department so you know that means, BOGO. This same rationale applies for white button-downs. She buys it, and she also buys it for you. Cha-ching.

The greatest thing about the ManRepeller is that she isn’t dressing for you, although it may seem that she’s dressing like you. Respect it, own it and put a Facebook-Relationship status on it.

What I’m trying to say is don’t pick the hot girl in the muscle tee because she doesn’t get it.

She is nothing more than a Bethannni with three n’s — unnecessary, unneeded, and another annoyance that will be brought to you by your Autocorrect.

Spice up your life by cutting out the girl who obsesses over the pumpkin-spice and pick the one in the culottes and leather jacket because she gets it, she gets YOU and she’s always adding inventory to your closet too.

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