Guys and girls, I’m here to inform you about our finest asset. You guys want the DL, the 411, so I’m going to get real and weird with you all.
Did you know that “nipple” used to be the most searched word on the Internet? Literally, I think newspapers would insert it randomly in the title just to see if you were reading. (Ex: Was It The Chicken? The Egg? Or, The Nipple?)
Eventually, they became so overhyped that when Miley Cyrus “accidently” revealed hers at the VMAs, we were all like, I WANT SOMETHING NEW. Give me more.
Allow me to now clue you in and teach you all about the real “human peacock feathers” ya know, the flashy feathers peacocks use to attract mates? Our peacock feathers are… the belly button. The real reason you haven’t heard about this sooner is because rapper guys have had a horrible time trying to find something that rhymes with it. I bet you all didn’t know that Flo-rida really had another idea in mind before he was stuck with “apple bottom jeans.” Think about it, just above those apple-bottoms is the belly button.
Girls, did you know that guys hide abs behind their belly button?
Guys, you know when you are talking to a hot girl at the gym and she suddenly raises her shirt ever so shyly? Up until this point you thought she was trying to arouse you with her sweat. Gross. No, stupid, she’s trying to show you her belly button.
What do you think the crop top was invented for after all? Crop tops are the orange cones that direct towards a girl’s belly button. Bathing suits for both genders reveal predominately one thing — THE BUTTON OF OUR BELLIES. The one spot that can tickle any person and/or the Pillsbury Doughboy’s fancy.
In a way, showing your belly button for the first time is like losing your v-card all over again. We all have this sense of innocence, wanting to hide it with our shirts. But side note: there are actually numerous web posts about how we’ve never seen Taylor Swift’s bellybutton. What is she hiding? Does she have one??
Unlike Tay, you shouldn’t be hiding it. Real girls don’t have BB-itis. Retire your high-waisted bottoms (guys hate them, I asked) and reveal that cute lil’ thing.
Innie, outie, we don’t discriminate. Your belly button accentuates all of the hours you put into the gym. It allows you to be a Kardashian without all of the assets. Cue Kendall Jenner, she shows her belly button loud and proud on the reg, and allows herself to be a Bo$$A$$ bitch because of it. We can all abuse this strategy.
Think of the belly button as your yellow brick road to what can come next with that qt dudeguy or hot chick you are talking to. Moreover, your belly button is like your compass, as its clever destination can take you to either the north or the south pole.
So go ahead; show off your buried “innie” treasure. Release the belly button, and feel free to thank me later once you’ve received your pot of gold.