Which Lucky Lady Is Winning Nick Viall’s Heart This Season Of ‘The Bachelor’?

Do I hear rose petals fluttering in the wind, mascara-coated tears and girls asking if “I can just borrow you for a moment?” Yup, rejoice, Bachelor Nation, the world’s most bizarre reality show is back.

Nick Viall is returning to the franchise for the fourth time, this time as the Bachelor himself. While Nick comes off very arrogant and someone who very clearly does not care about finding love on the show, he has terrific abs, and for that, I welcome him. So out of Monday night’s introductory batch of girls, who has the best chance of winning his heart?

5. Dolphin Girl

I never caught her name, but it didn’t matter — this very confused shark made an instant impression. You’re not going to find many girls willing to wear a shark costume around in the pool while making dolphin calls to try to impress a mate, so she has a special spot in my heart. While this dolphin was really just a very drunk horse girl attempting to be unique, I hope she goes far because she’s at least entertaining.

 

4. Corinne

This bitch. Girl’s talking about this multi-million dollar business like she invented Post-it Notes, but it seems very clear from the presence of her nanny that she just inherited that wealth. She will go extremely far like all good villains do. Last night, she made it abundantly clear she is willing to perform any sexual favor and burn the goddamn mansion down if it means winning the title of… Mrs. Viall. OK, sure.

 

3. Both Danielles

One Danielle had the prettiest plunging black gown and a pretty fantastic set of boobs while the other Danielle was a neonatal nurse. That’s a real profession! One that helps make the world a better place! Both of them are wife material.

 

2. Vanessa

Nick could not take his eyes off Vanessa. She spoke French (oh lala) and she’s Canadian just like Kaitlyn! There is a spark there, even if she didn’t do much the whole episode.

 

1. Rachel

Rachel is so perfect you find yourself wanting her to win the damn thing and also to get kicked off right away because she’s too good for it. She’s stunning, she’s a lawyer, she’s smart and mature… why did she sign up for this again? I have never been so happy to see a girl win the first impression rose before.

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