Just the other day, I was perusing the aisles of Bath and Body Works during their “2 for $22” candle sale (the best thing ever) when I happened upon a gift set of Cucumber Melon-scented things and my childhood beauty regimen flashed before my eyes.
Do you remember when you purchased a scented lotion, shower gel and body spray for every single one of the girl friends you didn’t like all that much because you never took the time to actually learn what they really wanted for their birthdays? Throwwwwwwback. Here are some more memories for you:
1. Jessica Simpson “Dessert” Beauty Line
OH STOP IT, JESSICA. I remember exactly where I was when one of my friends first pulled out her “Taste Delicious” edible perfume at the lunch table and told me “no really, like you can lick it.” All the boys stared in horror/awe as we took turns spraying and sampling this perfume that tasted like chemicals and expired chocolate.
We had no idea at the time just how inappropriate this was. We just knew our bodies were now a little bit sticky and tasted nice.
(!!!!!!!!!) Please do recall the slogan: “sexy girls have dessert.” Is it any wonder that this line has been discontinued due to a slew of lawsuits?
2. Hair Mascara
A beauty junkie from the get-go, I was always looking for a quick fix to change up my look temporarily. Enter hair mascara (lololol).
This product was the absolute most ridiculous. If you weren’t one of the lucky ones to experience it as a young lass, it was basically a tube full of colored gunk that you brush onto a few strands of hair to temporarily make it a bright, sparkly color of your choice. Immediately after applying it, it would dry to a really covetable crunchy texture that lasted until your next hair washing. #glam.
3. Lip Smackers
These were simply the be-all and end-all of lip care.
Your mom was like “hey, here’s some regular chapstick that will actually help your dry lips.” But you were all like “Playa, please. I definitely want to smell like a soft drink.” Dr. Pepper, preferably.
Ummm I still use these, so…
5. Aqua Net Hairspray
K so you either lived in a household where the use of hairspray was worshipped or reviled. Either way, you definitely remember your first encounter with it. The first time I used Aqua Net was for a dance competition and I’m pretty sure my hair stayed in place for the following week. Dat crunch dohhhhh.
6. Sun In
Growing up by the beach meant summers of being taunted by tanned bodies and blonde hair. If you were a sad brunette, you may have tried to experiment with a little demon named Peroxide.
An inexperienced Sun In-er was able to be spotted miles away because she was lookin like a zebra with uneven highlights. Not cute.
7. Lip Gloss Rings
Are. There. Cooler. Things? Need to find one. Miss them so.
8. Body Glitter
Bath and Body Works was the mecca of all things scented and sparkly. ‘Twas this haven where we found roll on body glitter, glitter body gel, glitter lotion, shower gel that left a glitter residue… And if you were one of the lucky ones you for sure got your hands on that glitter hair spray. Disco ball look was all the rage. We 90s babies were born to sparkle.
9. Hair Feathers
I mean, why not look like you’re maybe part rooster, you know? I was all about those clip in hair extensions that were not hair at all but actually made of fake feathers. Thank you for supporting my dreams, Claire’s.