This Is What It Actually Means To Be In A Relationship

Bianca Hofman
Bianca Hofman is a Dutch ultrashort-story writer, based in Barcelona, Spain. She writes super short stories about dating, culture and career. But who is Morris? Morris is Bianca’s imaginary muse, her yin, her alter ego, whatever you want to call him. "Y" means "And" in Spanish, in case you didn’t know. Yes, Bianca&Morris. Bianca has a passionate relationship with the city she lives in. Together with her sister she founded Barcelona Hofman, a flash fiction collaboration. The sisters launched Barcelona Hofman, May 2016, with an exposition during the open art gallery weekend in Barcelona. Facebook: Instagram: Twitter: @biancaymorris and @Bianca_Hofman

“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.”

Among singles this line is almost as classic as “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

Let’s face it. When your 2-nights-stand tells you he is not ready for a relationship, there is a big chance the ‘hidden’ message is I don’t want to be in a relationship…WITH YOU.

So, don’t be surprised when four weeks later this “I am not ready for a relationship right now” person changes his Facebook status to ” in a relationship” and posts romantic pictures of him and his new girlfriend.

I, too, am guilty of this. I have also said more than once that I didn’t want to be in a relationship because I wanted to fool around, was afraid to lose my independence, or because I simply didn’t want to get hurt.

But it made me think about the word RELATIONSHIP. What does it mean anyway? What’s this “status” that some of us don’t want and others desperately desire?

Some dictionaries define a relationship as:

  • The way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.
  • The state of being connected by blood or marriage.
  • the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other.

Well, that doesn’t explain what it means to actually be in a relationship.

Does a relationship mean exclusivity? Do you have to be sure you want to spend the rest of your lives together? Do you have to marry? Do you have to live together? Do you have to talk to each other every day? Do you have to meet the parents?


Does it mean you’ll lose your space, that you can’t hang out with your friends whenever you want any more, or travel alone?

Does it mean happiness or getting hurt? Do you have to say you are in a relationship to be in one?


Our interpretation and perception of relationship and being connected depends on many factors: on how we were raised, our education, values, experiences, fears, expectations, the stage of life we are in, etc.

It is ultimately a personal thing.

This could be one of the reasons we want or don’t want put a relationship label on the “thing” we have with a date/friend-with-benefits/lover/etc.

That’s fine and it makes sense.

But when you ask yourself these questions, you may not have the answers and things may get a bit confusing. Sometimes we stick to our beliefs, because that is easier, because we don’t know what the answer would be if we got rid of the idea we always had.

But we might need to question our beliefs about relationships once and a while if only to help us connect with ourselves and others a bit more.

A photo posted by @biancaymorris on

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