“Be the person your dog thinks you are.”
Cliché, cliché. Let the men have their dogs (it is their best friend after all) and use this silly little quote. Mad love for you Pancakes (my dog, literally), but your only thoughts of me don’t extend beyond the treats I possess.
It is doggone time to switch sides and appreciate our four-pawed feline counterpart. Let’s face it, Instagram is currently over-capaC[A]Tated with adorable catfriends. I’m sorry. Incidentally my wit seems to fall flat on all four paws.
But just humor me for a moment.
For what seems to be longer than nine lives, cats have gained a bad reputation among humans. I think the negative connotation began with Sex and the City, when Miranda (the unfortunate ginger, come on guys) was the cat owner, and the only fur associated with Carrie Bradshaw was her beautiful closet/apartment and her fur coats (psh…her closet was her apartment who are we trying to kid). Ask any girl, and she will never tell you she wants to be the Miranda of the group. Don’t get me wrong, Carrie is my “sole” mate, but it’s about damn time that we give the best supporting feline the credit that’s due.
Whether you own a cat or not, allow me to introduce you to the Cat Factor: aka four reasons why you should incorporate a fur-friend into your life:
1. Cats are the holy grail of dating coaches.
You know those three annoying periods that you absolutely hate on iMessage? You know what I’m talking about. You send her what you think is an extremely witty text with the perfect emoji (probs one of the cat emojis), and you see that cute yet absolutely irritating grey circle with those three periods.
An hour goes by and nothing. Two hours, oh! They surfaced. Wait, nope it was just the cat stepping on her screen. By hour three, you are just assuming that the feline-owner of your dreams has her phone on silent and/or died. Let me put an end to the suspense, it’s time for me to spill. This girl is watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s and IGNORING YOU. Cats invented this maneuver and have taught it to their corresponding humans.
Cats do not always answer upon being called, and neither should their humans. Whenever you see those three periods, sorry. She knows all of your brilliant texts may be causing you carpal tunnel, she may even think you are actually funny, but she doesn’t care. She’s deliberately ignoring you. Cat rules.
2. The Cat Beholds the Power in the Relationship
If you want your date with a fellow human to be successful, the best thing you can wear on your wrist and/or feet is a cat. Taylor Swift will tell you so. T. Swift was recently pictured in cat flats with a corresponding cat purse, and she still brought Calvin Harris home with her, and I don’t mean home with her to change her outfit. I call this a classic case of ~if you got it (it meaning cats), FLAUNT IT.~
Also, a little birdie told me that Kanye West just sent T. flowers. As she put it herself, KanTay 2020. Who runs the world? SINGLE CAT GIRLS. Give them a round of a-paws and use a cat to your advantage on your next date.
3. The “I’ll Have What She’s Having” Effect
Girls who don’t even own a cat want to be part of the bad-blooded cat-girl cult. Let’s call it the “I’ll Have What She’s Having” effect. Lately I have seen more cat accessories adorned by gals than pumpkin spice lattes. Designers are even making CAT fashion lines. Kate Spade, you doin’ it and you doin’ it well. Quite frankly, it all makes sense, there’s a better ROI.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a kitten and have everyone tell you constantly how cute you are? Do it. Be that. Wear cat accessories. Don’t be afraid to embrace and advertise your inner-feline. He/she is your great accessory. He/She is basically a Mansur Gavriel bucket bag, but cheaper and easier to obtain.
4. A Good Man Loves You Like Your Cat Loves You
If you are currently a one-cat kind of girl and are looking to expand your family with another human, look to find a guy at the local pet store. Check the dog section, they all hide there. Amateurs. But let me inform you of a secret: find a guy who loves you more than you love him. Stick with that one. You know why? Just like your cat, he’ll never stray.
Guys, I applaud you and honor you if you make the wise decision of adding “cat-lady” to your resume. If you haven’t and are interested, I can promise you that wherever there is a cat, a cute girl will be close by. I must warn you though, once you go cat, you never go back. Period.