Disclaimer: Written by a peaceful white Jewish boy with no octagon experience
You’ve heard it before. “Everyone has a plan til’ they get punched in the mouth.” While the quote originated with the psychotic Iron Mike Tyson, it is often used by struggling, overzealous white entrepreneurs named Preston, who speak at seminars for $75 and a free hotel breakfast.
The expression is typically applied for its metaphorical function, commonly exhausted to represent the hollow translation that “It’s how you react to that adversity that defines you, not the adversity itself.” Always an uplifting sentiment when directed towards a 45-year-old man who just lost his job and his family and is wearing socks with shit stains on them and is about to get sucked in to Preston’s ponzi scheme. (See above for details about Preston). Poor guy.
It really blows my mind how often the quote is used considering after reciting it, the speaker usually reveals its source and at least half the audience members think “Oh, Mike Tyson, the rapist!” It’s an unusual way to begin an educational discussion. If people only knew some of the other things our widely quoted thinkers have also said, we might be more prudent about how we choose to engage the future leaders of our country:
You don’t often hear boxers or mixed martial artists using the quote because typically, they anticipate getting punched in the mouth and have a plan for what they should do after it happens, because, you know, that makes sense when you know someone is trying to kill you. It makes less sense when used to motivate an intern who literally makes copies all day, but you don’t see him crumble like a bitch when the machine acts up. That’s right Brian, you’re a legend! If for some reason, you don’t have a plan after you get hit in the mouth, you’ve likely figured that out the hard way and have switched professions long before you’re on pay per view.
Ronda looked terrible. And people have been calling her out all over the Internet. You’ll likely be seeing memes emphasizing her embarrassment for the next two weeks.
But why did she lose? And why did she lose so bad to a boxer? If you watched the fight, there is really no defending Ronda. She looked silly. She got tagged in the first 30 seconds by two beautiful, easily landed punches from one of the greatest female boxers of all time and looked completely off beat the short rest of the fight.
The two biggest differences between Ronda Rousey and Holly Holm is ego. And it started at the weigh in.
You’ve got Ronda, sweet girl, but a just a lil bit scary and outspoken, thinking she can out box a boxer. It seemed like she wanted to show the world that she wasn’t just a better fighter than Holly, but a better puncher.
Hey Ronda! Hey, that is so stupid!
You don’t ever see UFC fighters trying to transition in to professional boxing because it is a completely different sport and it takes away the elements that make MMA insane. There is no question Ronda Rousey is the best female MMA fighter ever, but if you’re going to take elbows, knees, grappling and take downs away from her and make her a puncher, she’s just human. And she’s going to get rocked, like she did. Holly knows she doesn’t have the skills to deal with Ronda on the ground, which is why, immediately after she showed the world she could take her down, she quickly let Ronda back up so she’d be able to do what she does best, which is box.
But how could we expect Ronda to be prepared for this when she has been consistently knocking people out in less than 10 seconds? She’s never had to deal with jabs to the face before. But that aside, she looked unathletic and worn out after the first minute of the fight. Whether it was frustration, confusion or poor conditioning, if you don’t have the strength to keep your hands up, you’re going to pay for it.
This does not take anything away from MMA fighters. They still have huge advantages against boxers and this should not encourage strict boxers to leave their comfort zone and enter the UFC. It will not end well unless they’re prepared like Holly AND fight a stubborn opponent like Ronda. Everyone knows you don’t pick a fight with a guy at a bar who has cauliflower ears. He will mount you, pin both of your arms down to the ground with his knees and give you titty twisters in front of mad chicks until you cry. You’ll buy him drinks the rest of the night and he’ll make you do blowjob shots until you’re lactose intolerant.
I’m still lactose intolerant.
But this isn’t about me. Holly was smart, Ronda was stupid. She should have got Holly to the ground and sat on her face the entire fight until she tapped out. That’s the advantage MMA fighters have over boxers. Anything goes. Even face fucking.
By the way, I ain’t never tapped out. Haha, yeee boii.
Anyways, Ronda is going to have a tough road ahead of her. Who knows if EA Sports is still going to put her on the cover of the UFC 2 video game. She’ll probably get a rematch with Holly, but who will be rooting for her? Her pre-fight scuffle at the weigh in was not a good look for her. Sort of reminded me of that tattooed weirdo that got his ass kicked by the cute lil’ Asian guy.
It’ll be interesting to see how this loss affects the UFC, specifically the women’s division which was making no money before Ronda. Dana White is definitely freaked out because the sport will never find an ambassador as compelling and entertaining as Ronda Rousey. I mean for God’s sake, there was an article titled, “Ronda Rousey reveals why she has as much sex as possible before every fight,” circulating for like three months before the fight. Like that’s sweet. I’m going to miss that.
The sport has officially been handed over to Holly “the preachers daughter” Holm (No, seriously, that’s her ring name). Which is pretty much the total opposite. But nonetheless, the sport is in good hands.
Check out the fight if you haven’t seen it: