We all use Instagram. We all enjoy waking up hungover and upon checking our phones, learning that we somehow managed to capture a decent pic to post on Sunday morning and give us something to do with our day.
But there are some people who just take it way too far. It’s supposed to be a platform we use to share some ~cute pics~ that we naturally manage to obtain during our daily lives. By manage, I mean not dedicating your entire night out or entire freakin European vacation to take. Over time, the photo-sharing app has become increasingly narcissistic and it’s time to call out some users. I think we can all recognize the difference between a photo out with friends taken to capture a memory versus an “effortless” laughing solo picture with a stranger’s dog. Then there’s the one with a colorful drink and a silly hat and perfect lighting with 10 different filters applied.
Sometimes less is more. And sometimes you’re just an idiot.
Is this an anti-Instagram article? Not at all. I personally go on Instagram daily (but tbh it’s for the memes). Are we all a little bit lame sometimes? Yes. But my point here is that there is a huge difference between taking a few photos for Instagram and dedicating your entire life to the cause while making everybody stop their day and focus on you in the process. I honestly wish I could videotape some of the public “Insta photo-shoots” I’ve had to witness and make the people who take part in them watch themselves to see how ridiculous they really look (maybe that will be my next project).
That being said, this is a list dedicated to specific Instagrams that I feel need to be stopped. Since I can’t post actual photos without offending half of my newsfeed, I will try my best to describe them in words.
1. “The Happy Birthday BFF! I Look Great Here and You Look Like Shit”
It’s your best friend’s birthday and you know what that means: Time to dig into your archive of photos together and pick the one where you look hot AF and your friend looks mediocre. These types of photos get even worse when the friend is blurry and/or not even ready for the moment. Did you forget whose birthday it was?
2. “The Effortless Photo That Actually Took A Shitload of Effort”
You’re scrolling through your Instagram feed and see what a girl calls a “candid” photo. However, they’re on a mountain or riding some exotic animal or literally under water and still look perfect. I have questions about how this was accomplished. How did you even get up there? Who did you ask to take that? How many pictures did it actually take to get that one?
Am I maybe jealous because anytime I ask someone to take my picture it’s blurry and I have three chins? I’ll answer that one: yes.
3. “The Photo of the User + Another Human or Animal”
This seems innocent at first, but here’s some examples of what I’m talking about:
An individual posts a picture with her new puppy or a rando’s puppy at a bar where the poor dog really shouldn’t be, or a baby cousin that the individual really does not give a shit about. The dog and/or baby is blurry and the individual posting the picture looks ~flawless~. We all know what you’re doing. Congratulations, your flash just blinded a two-year-old Pomeranian for the rest of its life.
4. “The #WCW of a Model that Eerily Resembles the Individual Posting the Photo”
Have you ever noticed that the girls who post a “Candice Swanepoel #WCW” Instagram are blonde with blue eyes and the girls that post Adriana Lima are brunette? Well I have and it’s weird.
5. “The TBT Pic That is Only Posted Because You Look Good and Didn’t Want to Double Post the First Time”
These are typically left over vacation pics that weren’t quite good enough to make the cut the first time around. Captions include “Wish I was here instead of the library” or “Wish I was back in (insert study abroad location here).” We all know you would rather be elsewhere, but you’re at the library so maybe you should get off Instagram and start reading that damn textbook. Honestly, there’s really nothing wrong with doing this, just know that you’re not fooling anyone.