The Wino: Red Zinfandel For People Who Hate Red But Don’t Like White

The Bacchus Block
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Many of my friends who have experimented with red wines complain about the chalky, bold taste and often ride the struggle bus attempting to pair them correctly with dinner. As a result, they go back to the drawing board and end up with a white wine they’re just not sure about. I have been searching far and wide for a great white wine. While that search continues, ask me for a lighter red that everyone can enjoy and I’ve got you covered.

You hate red wines but don’t like whites? THEN YOU NEED ZIN! It’s not threatening and overpowering like the Cabernets and Malbecs you’ve thrown back, but it’s not light like a Rosé. No, no, red zinfandel is fruity, fills your mouth with the flavor of freshly made jam, and for a split second, stings the inside of your cheeks with what tastes like a small drop of absinthe!

Without further ado, peep Zin-Phomaniac! This red zinfandel, a grape exclusively grown in California, gives you such beauty in coloring and taste and is easy to drink.

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This red blend almost extends past the line of too much but lies predominantly in the field of “fuck it, I just want more.” To keep it 100, I drink Zin-Phomaniac by itself. It’s suggested you pair it with a meat marinated in a fruity mix, but the simple nature of this dark cherry and licorice-filled zin pound the pallet and leave you with combinations of chocolate and pepper. Therefore, there’s no need for the heavy meal.

THE MATH: Rock with me.

Think about the last thing you bought that cost $15. How long did it last? This bottle, sold at most retailers for $14, will last longer than that cheap shirt you just copped at Forever21. It does it in a way that lingers in your memory the next time you decide to stay in. Normally I’d talk about taking a bottle out to dinner, but you should keep this one in the rack and break it open every occasion you’re ready to relax. Oh, and if you don’t have a rack, you’re not a wino yet, but don’t worry, you will be.