If you believe chocolate is a necessary food group, then this article is for you. This edible piece of writing is especially for you if chocolate happens to be one of the things you cannot live without. By live without, I mean unless there was a gun to your head (or it’s dark chocolate) you’d hardly ever say no to a bite (or bar).
We, the chocolate lovers, have all been there. We have our one true love named nougat, but we’d also like to be on fleek in a bikini. It’s the constant struggle between looking good and wanting everything in the pastry shop. So, from time to time, we attempt to diet (usually right around summer… every year).
Around this time, you find yourself perusing the grocery store telling yourself how proud you are for the large bag of spinach and other greens you picked up in produce. We applaud ourselves for finally starting this diet or detox we mentally told ourselves about last time we were in aisle 8.
But then you accidentally wind up in the candy aisle and suddenly everything changes when wrappers galore mesmerize you. This is what always happens in this endless “I want to be fit, but…” debate when it comes to chocolate while attempting to eat healthy.
Without fail, these are the series of events that happen during the emotional torment of cocoa temptation:
- “Getting a bag of chocolate is okay!” you tell yourself. Save it for your cheat days and only allow yourself one.
- You are extremley convinced that you can handle this temptation, and smile seeing it next to the sweet potatoes and celery in your checkout line.
- You’re so ridiculously happy with your conscious decision you decide it’s definitely okay to have one in the car because what is grocery-shopping day other than cheat day?
- You put all of your gluten free and organic items away and just hope you’ll get a good #cleaneats Instagram or Snapchat out of it while eyeing the new bag of chocolate in the pantry.
- Shortly thereafter you find yourself in the kitchen again, but you have no idea why. Well, you walked this far so you may as well treat yourself to another piece of chocolate. It’s just one, anyway.
- If it happens to be Dove chocolate and the message you got sucks, then you immediately allow yourself another because “#foreveralone” on your wrapper is just not acceptable.
- If it happens to be M&Ms then LOL of course you’re not just having one. A handful constitutes as one. The bigger the hands the better.
- If it happens to be fancy chocolates from Whole Foods then you weren’t kidding about just one. That little truffle was $5 and the real world is really real and that shit is expensive.
- If it happens to be any fruit covered with chocolate then you’re obviously allowed more – it’s mainly fruit, right?
- Whatever the case may be, you find yourself in that godforsaken kitchen savoring the piece of chocolate you promised was your last (for real this time).
- Next day at work is absolute hell and 2,583,094 emails later ALL you want is that chocolate. Forget the celery and peanut butter snack – you want Hersheys. Besides, you deserve it for hiking over your email hill.
- Then The Bachelor is on. Bravo TV is on. Sappy RomCom is on. HGTV is on. Netflix is always, always on. All of these call for another piece of chocolate just to start a mini-binge.
- Day three of your “diet” and your gym workout forces you to avoid the chocolate. These times, and only these times, you resist the temptation and detox on.
- Day four of your “diet” and you have a piece of chocolate simply because you’re already halfway through the week and that’s a huge accomplishment.
- Day five of your “diet” and life happens. Another engagement. Your crush doesn’t like your Instagram. They killed off your favorite character on TV. The outfit you ordered online just made you cry. Grab some chocolate, honey.
- You have a second and third because, whatever, you’re sad. Then you scroll through Instagram and eat more because you’re so not as fit as these people.
- You tell yourself you’re done and over with chocolate. You’re never buying a freaking bag of chocolate again.
- You get through the next day. You get through maybe two. But then you start thinking… well it’s there so I have to finish it. Otherwise if you don’t finish the bag it’s always going to be tempting you like the evil treats they are.
- So, you dive in again and pretend not to count. Who cares? Maybe Dove’s #foreveralone was totally right anyway. Chocolate > relationship.
- Eventually the bag or box is empty and you feel a mix of grief and relief. You promise yourself this experience will only make you stronger. At least, finally, it’s over, and you apathetically reach for your fresh juice.
Until next time, aisle 8.