The Story Of Your NYC Commute, As Told By GIFs

Lindsey Washington
Lindsey Washington aka lindsanity to her friends can either be found roaming the city looking for shade or out with friends throwing shade. She is currently trying to work on her obsession with Lil Wayne and accepting the fact that they will probably never get married, also Drake.

We all know the importance of a having some sort of morning routine. Whether it’s meditating for 15 minutes, or setting your alarm for 4 a.m. so you can snooze for three hours. Whatever it is, at least you’re motivated to do something.

The ideal day, which many of us have never experienced and can only dream of, probably goes something like this:

You wake up well rested, hop in the warm shower, maybe brush your teeth at the same time to save water because you’re just a wonderful jolly morning person who is considerate of the many pressing environmental issues affecting our country. You open the fridge and pour yourself a crisp cup of iced coffee you made the night before. You close your apartment door behind you and before you know it, you’re sliding down the subway railing and whadya know, the train pulls right up. Of course, it’s express and a few short minutes later you’ve arrived at work.

To your pleasant surprise notice they’ve hired a doorman who looks exactly like Ruben Studdard, you know, before he appeared on the 15th season of The Biggest Loser; so very cute. Your boss greets you with a smile, slaps your ass like you just made the game winning free throw as the momentum propels you to the egg sandwich he left for you on your desk. You find an envelope of cash, that says, “We just couldn’t wait until your next paycheck to give you your raise, enjoy, but don’t tell the government, LOL!”

Unfortunately, this never happens. But you know what does?

It’s Monday morning and you wake up two hours before your alarm goes off. You close your eyes for what seems like 0.2 seconds and you’re late.

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You look outside and it’s raining, but not just normal rain, torrential downpour.

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So you pack up your stuff, bundle up and are ready to go.

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You check the bus schedule and it looks like there’s one a few stops away so you make it there just in time, but of course the line is suuuuuper long because no one feels like walking to the train. You get on and it’s packed.

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Things are going smoothly. You get a seat and an old person gets on at the next stop. There’s an empty seat next to the person across from you, but they have their purse on it and don’t make any motions to move it.

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Obviously to avoid looking like an asshole you move. You see your stop coming up and the old man with the walker makes a move like he’s getting off too, so you try and jump ahead of him so you don’t have to wait for the bus to lower its ramp.

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You finally get to the train station and the express is pulling up.

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But so is a homeless person and you get a face full of stench.

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You hop on the train and so do a fleet of street performers.

So you dig into your purse to turn up the volume on your phone.

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But then the street performers get the wrong idea and you give them something because you feel bad.

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You finally nestle your way off the train and attempt to exit out the turnstile only to find that all exits are blocked because tourists don’t know how to swipe their MetroCard. There is no where to go as the street performers, who at this point have already finished setting up their amps and drums, start playing “Nothing Left to Loose” by Matt Kearney and you’re about ready to swipe back in and jump in front of a train.

You break through, skip to work and make it just on time, without a hint on your face of how difficult your morning already has been.

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Not the best way to start your morning. But I guess now we know why your coworkers are irritated before they’ve even sat down on their $40 rolling chair completely made of velcro. It’s tough to truly expect a perfect morning when there are literally a million things that can go wrong. Maybe your perfect morning will come, but until then, do your best to enjoy the unpredictability your morning commute provides.

It’s kind of funny, you know, if you don’t think about it.

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