The Most Important Factor In A Successful Relationship

Maria Ying
24-year-old Rutgers graduate. Born and raised in Disturbia, Surburbia. Writing about anything and everything. Let's get weird.


“you are in the habit
of co-depending
on people to
make up for what
you think you lack
who tricked you
into believing
another person
was meant to complete you
when the most they can do is complement”
― Rupi KaurMilk and Honey

I was on the phone with one of my friends during our weekly ritual phone call when he wistfully lamented over his single status. I listened empathetically until he exclaimed, “I’m looking for someone to complete me!”

That struck me as odd and I puzzled over his words.

Something people seem to forget is that no one, not a single soul in the universe, can complete you. You are not a block of swiss cheese. The person you are meant to be with can only complement you. What is there to complete when you are already whole on your own? Complementing (v), is to add to (something) in a way that enhances or improves it. Complementing in a relationship is the idea that two people can learn from each other and grow together. Completing is assuming you are missing a piece of yourself.

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes; some good, some bad. A positive, healthy, and meaningful relationship is built on a strong foundation where two people grow together like sprouts reaching for the sun.

The question is not “What can they do for me?” but

“What can I learn from you?”
“How can I be a better person?”
“How can we grow together?”

Stagnant relationships do not grow. They are like sticks in the mud that serve no purpose besides comfort for your own insecurities. Unravel yourself from your self-made cocoon of comfort. The right person is not an object to fill an empty space. The right person challenges you to be a better version of yourself. They challenge you to unlock doors you’ve never opened. The right person helps you become a more mature individual while simultaneously being someone you can be a child with again. They are a patient teacher to a willing pupil and vice versa.

I’ve seen truly wonderful people self-sabotage their own happiness by acting like they are some grand prize to be won. Shame on you for objectifying yourself. You are not a prize to be won. You are much more than that. You are a human and so is the person trying to connect with you. There is nothing wrong with valuing yourself, but when you show that you do not value the other person, how can you expect the same in return? Love is not a game. In the wise words of DJ Khaled, don’t play yourself.

Being with someone, truly being with someone, is not just being able to put them before you, but wanting to do so — to want to give yourself wholly and in return have that person do the same. It’s a terrifying thought process, especially for a generation where Netflix and Chill has replaced the traditional date, but there is always risk in reward.

That’s the thing about relationships, life, gifts, you name it — it feels so much better to give than to get, and in return you receive so much more in love and happiness. In a 360-degree circle of the universe, what you put out is what you get back in return. Because giving to the idea of something greater than yourself is what makes the world go ‘round. Love is something greater than yourself. Love requires two subjects. A positive and mature relationship is two people who want to be together and complement each other.

Abraham Twerski – Love of Giving

"So much of what is love, is fish love." – Rabbi Dr. Abraham TwerskiCreate The Life You've Always Wanted:

Posted by Goalcast on Thursday, March 16, 2017