The 7 Emotional Stages of Becoming A Broad City Fan

Olive Wassen
Olive is a college student who enjoys Chinese food, sarcasm, and movies. If you ever want to talk about Johnny Depp hit her up.

With winter break upon us, you may find yourself in need of some new shows to pass the time. Our suggestion? “Broad City,” which follows the adventures of two broke 20somethings in NYC and is easily the funniest show on television. Just be prepared for the following 7 stages of Broad City binge-watching.

Stage 1: Mental Preparation

When you’re watching the first few episodes of Broad City, you might not realize it, but you are about to start one of the best television series ever to grace this earth. You just have to make it past the initial shock.

I don’t think anyone is ever really ready for the lives of Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson. These women are strong, independent, and the best kind of weird. Be prepared for lots of conversations about weed, sex, pubes, Bed, Bath & Beyond and information about the many uses of a vagina.

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Stage 2: Denying That You Watch The Show

We’ve all been there. You just don’t want anyone to know that you actually like watching these two crazy mofos run around NYC. It’s kind of like the Tumblr of TV shows. It makes you completely immune to all things raunchy, but you don’t need your friends knowing that you’ve watched an episode almost entirely about the topic of pegging.

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Stage 3: Becoming Envious of the Ilana and Abbi Lifestyle

Literally, who doesn’t want to be able to skip work any day of the week and not give a care about it? Their stories are going to be 10 times better than any you will ever make anyway. Plus, their love for one another is so genuine. Screw Meredith and Cristina, Abbi and Ilana are the new friendship goals.

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Stage 4: Trying To Live The Broad City Life Yourself

You find yourself saying things like “vape life,” or suddenly thinking that you are rad enough to pull off a crop top that leaves you with intense under-boobage. It gets especially bad when you find yourself walking past a group of individuals who are extremely fine specimens, and you yell “WANNA FOOK” without even thinking.

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Stage 5: Realizing That You Are A Mere Mortal, Not Abbi or Ilana

The bags under your eyes are 10 times the size they were before you started Broad City. You got so drunk last weekend that you woke up on Sunday still slightly buzzed with the same outfit on that you were wearing Friday, with 40 pizza boxes spread out all over your apartment.  After a long shower to get the smell of alcohol, weed, and cigarettes out of your hair, you decide to leave this this craziness to the professionals.

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Stage 6: Complete Addiction

You may have realized that you are not cut out for the adventures that Abbi and Ilana have, but you still want to live vicariously through them. If anyone even tries to watch TV when a new episode airs, they’re immediately on your hit list. And if for some dire reason you can’t watch the new episode right away, you will spend the whole night counting down to when you get to go home and stream it.

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Stage 7: Building The Following

You start to realize that the only people worthy of your time are people who appreciate the fine art of acting in a way that only Abbi and Ilana can achieve. You spend your time seeking out fellow Broad City lovers or converting your current friends.  And when you realize that one of your friends is already a lover of Broad City, your heart explodes with happiness.

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