The 4 Best Coffee Shops In New York City

Jay Cross
“Far worse looking people have done it. So why can’t I?” Jake is a 22-year-old delicious man candy originally from New York and currently living in Miami Beach attending law school. He graduated from the University of Florida in 2014 and used his degree to invest in a Toyota Prius. More information about his Prius can be found on his Instagram handle: “hotguyinaprius”. He drives an Uber part time because lawyers only get paid in movies. Jake doesn’t drink often, but when he does, he prefers it be consecutively for a potentially infinite duration. Jake often drinks.

 

You don’t have to be a coffee enthusiast to get a little stressed out when deciding where to go for coffee. Whether you’re linking up with a friend you haven’t seen since college, reluctantly networking with someone your dad plays golf with, or meeting up with the girl you followed around the night before who refused to go home with you but said yes to coffee for reasons she’ll soon regret, the question of where to go is not often an easy one to answer.

We’ve all been there. Desperately googling “trendy coffee shops” in search for a 4+ star rating, preferably one “$”, and a description that says something like “hip coffee shop roasting beans on site” or “industrial chic café with a hipster vibe”.

Taking a risk on a new coffee shop is far more courageous than we give ourselves credit for. While Starbucks is safely predictable for an under-caffeinated, over-sugared Basilisk inspired cup of vivid green cannoli cream, a double espresso from a 250-square foot, dimly lit mausoleum could actually kill you. Do you know what it’s like to have violent heart palpitations to an Iron & Wine song?

Let’s face it, the coffee shops we choose to support in a city with one on the corner of every block is a deeply personal decision that we more often than not get completely wrong.

 

But to our delight, and soon to be yours, we’ve finally nailed it. Say goodbye to shops staffed with pretentious jerks who could seemingly spend all day making sweet love to themselves. Say goodbye to your miserable first three hours of work courtesy of your overpriced bean water. Say goodbye to never having a place to sit because the entire joint is packed with people on their laptops who finished their beverages hours ago.

And say hello to the perfect coffee shops in NYC for every activity.

 

1. For reading, writing and getting shit done. Or just texting your parents for money.

Café Grumpy – Greenpoint

After an espresso roast of your choice, the creative juices will be-a-flowin’. Whether you want to grab a book, write the next great American novel, think about writing the next great American novel or let Mom & Dad know how close you are to your big break, Café Grumpy gives YOU the tools to be your own boss.

 

2. For enjoying your coffee by your damn self at your own damn pace in some damn peace.

Café Grumpy – Lower East Side

You’re thinking we just did this. But we didn’t. Same people, different vibe. This shop is perfect for those of you who are just not yourself until you’ve had your first cup. And especially perfect for those of you who don’t like being bothered until you’ve gulped down your latte…..and still don’t like being bothered even after that. This is your coffee. This is your time.

 


 

3. For going on a cute date with your crush.

Café Grumpy – Chelsea

Listen I don’t know what you want me to tell you. I’m not going to lie. If this is the way it is then this is the way it is. It’s just really freaking cute here, okay? I’m sorry I’m recommending you a place with fresh beans, constantly evolving blends and a just downright friendly staff. Sorry I want you to go someplace where you and your date won’t feel like people are listening into your unnecessarily sexual conversation. So take your matcha latte, take your blueberry hibiscus tea and take my word for it.

 

4. For milking the hangover.

Café Grumpy – Nolita

Don’t make me apologize again. If I found something that works for me I’m going to share it with you guys. Besides, access to a refreshing pitcher of water so you don’t have to keep walking up to the counter with a smelly, dry mouth, a cappuccino and a chocolate croissant is everything you need to unclog your brain and uncloud your eyes so you can read all the awful texts you sent the night before.

 

Come on guys. You’ve been living here long enough to know the go-to spots for coffee. With a different vibe to suit your mood and a variety of coffees, teas and pastries to keep you happy and impress your friends, Café Grumpy is anything but what its name implies.

No more excuses and no more stress about picking a place to go. Because I just told you four times.

Are you listening? Ok good, so head over to one of these four Café Grumpy locations to get one of these exclusive 20something coffee sleeves before they run out. You’re welcome. 

 

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