I can’t be the only one that notices that everyone seems to think they are invincible when it comes to driving?! News flash, you’re not Bruce Almighty who can get rid of traffic with his hands. Just because you passed your road test does not mean you are now the best driver the world has ever seen, because trust me, you are not. If you’re wondering how I passed I’m really not sure either.
If you are THAT person who gets a congratulatory applause for actually showing up to where you need to be (instead of getting lost), then driving is so not your expertise. But thanks mom, your applause is much appreciated.
Don’t be a hero. Just step aside and read the GPS to someone who can handle the challenge. If you can even do that.
Though when you go 20 mph and the speed limit is 45 mph, do everyone a favor and stick to riding a bike. Your own bike, not the one that belongs to the delivery guy you just opened your car door in to.
Yet that’s the least of your worries. Here’s five ways to tell you’re a terrible driver.
1. You get accident on the first day of school
High school, college, it doesn’t stop. Sounds embarrassing. Well, it is. I should probably keep my eyes on the road and NOT the radio next time. Or at least not on the movie your kids are watching in the back.
2. You casually side swipe cars all the time
I’ve always watched my brother casually pass other cars in order to get in the turning lane. I know it doesn’t sound very impressive. It’s not. It’s what normal people do. What can I say? I like to give other cars high fives with my side mirrors. Sorry black car that now has a nice touch of white across it.
3. You somehow end up on a sidewalk
Awkward. Whether I’m trying to squeeze my way in to make a right on red, unintentionally changing lanes while reaching for my phone on the passenger seat floor, or convincing myself that correctly parallel parking is a right of passage to adult hood. I apologize to every witness. But I’m probably safer here for everyone’s sake.
4. What does a “yield” sign even mean?
It’s stupid. I’m not good with options. What do you even mean? So I don’t necessarily have to stop, but I probably should if someone is coming? Please just change your face to a normal stop sign. That way I I’ll never have to make eye contact with the truck driver who almost crushed me like an ant.
5. Cars beep at you multiple times for driving too slow
Yes, I drive like an 80-year-old woman. So what? I saw a minimum speed limit sign on a highway once, it was completely unreasonable.
**Tip: If I’m on the roads you clearly should not be