I realized I had a problem when I opened my freshly arrived package of online-bought happiness and immediately knew I was never going to wear what I had just received. I had ordered a tribal print cover-up that looked like perfection on @badgalriri’s Instagram, and looked a lot like the opposite of perfection on me—a blindingly bright, stiff garbage bag would be a better way to describe it. It looked less like I just stepped off the beaches of Barbados, and a lot more like I had just left an African airport gift shop. Despite my discouraging initial thoughts, I decided that with time I would definitely be able to pull it off.
We all have at least one thing we won’t ever be able to wear yet still bought anyway, thinking we could find a way to work it into our wardrobe. But honestly, this isn’t Project Runway, and in reality we probably can’t “make it work.” The long list of things I have bought only to leave hanging with tags, yearning to be worn has left me with a full closet of untouched garments and a freshly unrepressed guilty conscience to match.
In an attempt to help prevent you from making the same mistakes, here are two sure signs that you are about to buy something you will never wear:
1. If you buy something knowing you’re going to need to purchase specific shoes or accessories for the outfit… you’re not going to wear it.
2. If you’re buying a cute little summer outfit that would be absolutely perfect if you ever go to a beachside brunch in Palm Beach… you’re not going to wear it. (Especially if you have no foreseeable beachside brunches and no tickets booked to Palm Beach.)
We know all these things to be true, so why do we keep buying things we know for a fact we won’t wear? Do we really think we’re eventually going to score an invite to the imaginary event that the outfit is perfect for? Did we convince ourselves that buying something on sale is doing more decency than damage to our shopping record? Maybe it’s just the hope that this tunic will eventually add a little bad gal swagger to our lifestyle… only to find out you look less Barbados, and more barbaric.
Next time an un-wearable piece catches my eye, I’ll try to convince myself to save the closet/conscience space, but I know the little Tim Gunn on my shoulder will always try to convince me otherwise and insist that I, too, can make it work.
Image Source: Instagram, ArchieExpo