So, there are some exciting times coming up in my life. After five months of unemployment, I have a couple job offers on the table. Both require moving out of my parents’ homes, living in a new city, and welcoming back the working routine. Decisions need to be made and gears are starting to shift into motion. This is something I have been moving towards for months.
Nevertheless, now that this change is a reality, I am experiencing quite a bit of stage fright.
Over this past summer, I have witnessed my bank account dwindle through needless spending and nights out, because as a 23-year-old I honestly have no self-control when it comes to social outings. I have sent hundreds of emails and resumes to potential employers with little return, and seriously questioned my career path at least a handful of times.
It got to the point where I’d spend weeks changing my resume, visiting companies in a totally different field than the one I’m pursuing, all in an effort to recreate myself. One symptom of having too much time on your hands and watching your friends land jobs is that the emotions of being a perceived failure piles up. That is a lot of shit to deal with, and it gets exhausting. So, naturally, you second-guess yourself.
For someone who once had a full-time job, it is even more alien to be back at home, living day after day with no schedule. I missed my own place and felt constricted and judged by my parents. In reality, they have been more than accommodating and supportive, and my bitterness was just a result of feeling lost.
No one prepares us for failure.
College was a time to set us up for success, to give us the tools to work in our field and grow a career. I don’t recall any professor preaching on keeping the faith alive while enduring the depression of unemployment.
Yet now that I have a chance to hop back on the horse and start working again, I feel conflicted.
All those reasons that caused my miserableness don’t seem so bad now. I can stretch my savings account a little thinner, can’t I? Maybe find a part-time job and save some money? Travel a bit. I mean, my parents feed me and keep me company on weeknights when I have nothing else to do. Honestly, it’s been nice spending time with them, even if that means just existing in the same house. I have the rest of my life to work! Why am I rushing this!?
You see, no scenario is as perfect as we expect.
We are always going to question what else we could be doing. Is there a better way? What more is there to life besides employment, or unemployment for that matter? Change is terrifying. But, I know how liberating taking a chance can be. I moved once before, even further for different prospects, and I grew as a person. I got to experience new things, meet new people, and be independent. There’s a lot of worth in that.
In essence, it’s time to suck it up and take a leap of faith.