Our ‘Bachelorette’ JoJo Officially Has The Worst Taste In Men

Becca Van Sambeck
Becca is a recent Fordham grad, a former German beer hall girl, and a new Brooklyn resident who used to read the dictionary for fun as a kid. She has only gotten slightly less lame since then. She loves pugs, chicken fingers, reading and Game of Thrones.

The last episode of “The Bachelorette” revealed an unpleasant truth about our fairy tale princess: Our Cinderella is an idiot.

There’s no denying that JoJo is smoking hot with perfect, shiny hair and the type of body that leaves other women sadly picking a side salad over fries when they remember it. She seems perfectly sweet and has shown no evidence of a mean bone in her body. JoJo has a lot going for her.

She is, however, stupid as hell.

Look, ever since she planted her lips (or eyes? I’m not sure what hit first) on Jordan, it was clear girl had it bad. And sure, Jordan has looks and D-list celebrity connections, but is she were to tear herself away from his mouth for more than a second to look into his beady little eyes, she’d realize she was committing herself to, yet again, a player.

JoJo’s season has been filled with cute, charming guys. Remember adorable, stamina-less Wells? Chase, who just last night willingly kissed that fish for her?

OR HELLO, LUKE, ESSENTIALLY A SOULFUL COWBOY GALLOPING FROM THE PAGES OF A NICHOLAS SPARKS NOVEL? Those guys were NICE. Their demeanor didn’t scream, “I’m doing this because I will seize any slight chance of being famous!” And does JoJo keep them? No.


Because there isn’t a spark. Because they’re not “the one.” Because…even she doesn’t know, okay, just get off the show, please?

JoJo moans about how she’s so single at the ripe old age of 25 and oh man, why won’t anyone looooove her and why do guys always treat her so badly? After watching this season, I can now safely promise it is because JoJo has terrible taste in men.

You could practically see her heart pumping out of her chest when Chad (RIP) insulted the proceedings or said he wasn’t in love with her. She wants a player, a bad guy, and she’s made that evident by gushing about her connection with all of the shadiest guys on the show and cutting the very evident nice guys.

Just look at the final two: Jordan and Robby — who both are rumored to have exes that they left for the show, rumors JoJo is well aware of. If anything, it’s seemed to make her want these creeps even more.

Look, JoJo, Jordan “My brother and I aren’t close, but hey, why don’t I bring him up every five minutes because I love vague celebrity” Rodgers, and Robby Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is, have their appeal. But when you’re cutting Luke and Chase in favor of this duo, it’s clear you need to be single for awhile and reevaluate what you’re looking for in your life.

Here’s hoping JoJo pulls a Carrie Bradshaw in the finale and picks herself.

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