Bali had already been an absolute dream by the time I found myself at Potato Head Beach Club. My friend and I sat at the bar nearly giggling from joy as we sipped our fruity drinks and admired the colorful view.
I was only one drink in when the guy next to me at the bar goes, “Wow how about those ugly green bananas?” As I turned towards the Australian accent… I had no idea what I was getting into.
I was greeted by a happy smile on a rather sweaty guy. But he had asked me about bananas, so how could I possibly reject him based on his perspiration?
We quickly found out that his banana pick-up line wasn’t the only thing up his sleeve. This kid kept us laughing all throughout the night with his rap, magic tricks, dance moves and jokes.
It was only later when he proceeded to eat my friend’s Pad Thai “like a pigeon” that he was placed completely and utterly in the friend zone.
This definitely didn’t mean we would stop hanging out with him. Frankly, he was one of the funniest and nicest men I’ve ever met and I’ll surely be visiting him in Perth (as a friend of course).
But that’s why when I learned he has never had a girlfriend at the age of 29 – I knew I had to write about it. So without further ado… I give you, Delby:
20something: In two words, how would you describe your love life?
Have you ever *almost* had a girlfriend?
D: Well, pretty much my first love was my longest relationship. That was about 3 weeks! I met her when I was 14 and had a crush on her until I was 22.
What’s the best date you’ve ever had?
D: It was the night before Valentine’s Day and a girl ran up to me in line for a club and said: “I don’t have a Valentine tomorrow do you want to be mine?” I was like OK this will be fun. So I organized a really cool night out. We went to a restaurant on the river at night where a bridge lights up and then we went to the beach for a late-night dessert.
It almost all fell apart though because to walk to the restaurant we had to go through this forest track. There were birds on the track and the girl started freaking out – nearly hyperventilating. She had ornithophobia (an irrational fear of birds) that she didn’t tell me about. I thought it was pretty funny.
What’s the worst date you’ve ever had?
D: The worst date probably didn’t involve me. I was involved in a “stitch up” on a radio station where one of the hosts was on what he thought was a legitimate date. They asked me to pretend to be the girl’s boyfriend and crash the date. They filmed it, you can watch it here… it’s a good laugh.
Why do you think you’re single still at 29?
D: I am single because, until recently, I was nowhere near ready to settle down with one person unless they were something really special. I see so many girls that stay with an absolute dickhead just because they have been together for a long time. I see girls that are too afraid to actually have to spend time on their own, so they commit to somebody that is completely wrong for them.
I am not afraid to be in my own company. If I was with someone, I want to be 100% committed to that person and have no doubts. I don’t want to be out somewhere and think “Fuck, I wish I didn’t have a girlfriend.” I want to be out and think “man I wish my girl was here with me.”
What do your friends think about you still being single?
D: They pretty much know me as the professional third wheel. I love being around couples though. It makes me happy to see them happy.
What do your parents think about you still being single?
D: Dad is old school Italian. He pretty much hates women… so unless they are very traditional then it doesn’t phase him one bit. He has been single the last 20 years, so maybe it runs in the family? Mum wants me to be happy of course, but she also wants grandkids so she would love for me to find someone.
Do you have any regrets when it comes to love?
D: As a general rule, I never regret anything. However, for the sake of this question… Yes. I regret being too immature to commit to someone I met who I only realized when it was too late that I actually really, really liked her.
Describe “the one that got away.”
D: The girl from the question before is the one who got away. She was super cool, really relaxed and friendly. She got along with my mum really well, and I could bring her to a new situation with people she didn’t know and she would be able to make friends independently of me. She was really down to earth and not to mention she was beautiful too.
What’s your favorite pick-up line?
D: I don’t really use “lines” but I try to point out something funny that is happening at the time (i.e. bananas). Lately, because I am developing an app for the beauty industry, if I notice a girl has good makeup I’ll say that and we start talking from there.
I have a few funny ones that I used when I was younger, though. I would get an ice block and put it on the girl’s arm or in her hand and say I was trying to break the ice. Then I would say “but now I have made you wet.” Haha… it depended on their personality whether it got a laugh or not.
What’s the most “single” thing you’ve ever done?
D: Well, I guess having a threesome in Bali is one pretty extremely single thing to do. Other than that, I traveled Europe by myself when I was 18 and lived in Canada by myself for nine months when I was 25.
Are you looking for love?
D: I am definitely open to love. I would love to be married with kids one day if the right person is there. After getting a tiny taste of it with that girl that 180’d me recently, I quite liked it and think I am ready for it.
Describe your perfect date.
D: Since I do stand-up comedy, I think that they are a really good place to go because it’s fun and laughter is always good.
Describe your perfect girl.
D: Someone who laughs at my jokes, is down to earth, and doesn’t write emotional statuses on social media. She’s someone I can talk to without having to think of what I am going to say next. She gets along with my friends and family. She’s a non-smoker and keeps in shape. As for looks, my type tends to be short, brunette, tanned skin, and no cankles… haha!
What advice can you offer people looking for love?
D: Don’t settle for someone that you won’t be 100% committed to. Don’t feel like you have to be with someone just because everyone else is getting engaged, married, or having kids. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your own company. Everything tends to work out the way it is meant to in the end.
Well everyone, there you have it – the man of the hour. Did I/we mention he just sold a male strip company for profit and is also a teacher full time? I trust he won’t be single for long, so scoop him up while you can.