Mojo For JoJo: Our Bachelorette Power Rankings After Week 3

Becca Van Sambeck

Becca is a recent Fordham grad, a former German beer hall girl, and a new Brooklyn resident who used to read the dictionary for fun as a kid. She has only gotten slightly less lame since then. She loves pugs, chicken fingers, reading and Game of Thrones.

The Bachelorette this week featured JoJo’s incredible 1950s styled curls, an Open Mic night for the guys to uncomfortably share sex stories, and one contestant running for the opportunity to tell on Chad. So who’s winning and losing this week? On to the power rankings!

 

1. Chad

Chad explains that his goal in life is to be able to do pull-ups while holding his own body weight. Chad leaves the mansion in a state similar to a butcher shop following a tornado. His evil villain accessory is not a white cat in his lap, but a chunk of meat in his hands. Ravenously tearing through his pieces of lettuce, he threatens to rip off the other guys’ legs and put them through the pool. He mocks the idea of participating in the group date. Never change, Chad, you monster. That’s the behavior that keeps you on TV.

 

2. Chase

Ooohh, Chase and JoJo have chemistry! The two do Tantra yoga together, (as one does on a first date) and skip the mediation in favor of making out. Chase then proves he has seen many episodes of The Bachelor, by whipping out the “my parents were divorced!” card for sympathy. It shows his sensitive, he gets it. Nicely played.

 

3. Jordan

“Whatever team Chad’s on, let’s hope it’s a bench press competition, not a spelling contest.” — OH, JORDAN’S HERE TO PLAY.

 

4. James Taylor

John Mayer Lite continues to make JoJo weep with a combination of mediocre dance moves and songs written just for her, taking tips right out of the High School Musical playbook.

 

5. Wells

He apparently tells a hilarious threesome story that we don’t get to see, but aww! Of course the lil’ guy is funny! And well, did anyone else in this episode do anything remotely okay?

 

And who’s never making it to the Fantasy Suite?

Well there’s Vinny, who makes it as clear as possible he’s bad in bed when he says, “I have no idea what she’s doing,” when a girl fakes an orgasm on stage.

Of course, a meh lover is probably preferable to knife-wielding psycho Daniel, who proves he’s just the poor man’s Chad with this chilling story about cutting a girl’s hair without her permission: “So she’s tied up at this point. I always carry a knife on me when I’m traveling.” Right, so Ted Bundy here is out.

And then, of course, Evan. Chad may be a huge douchebag, but Evan is a twerp. Tattle-taling to Chris Harrison? Combine that with that stupid, swoopy haircut and we can guess he’ll be heading home right alongside Chad.

Source :

buddy tv

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