So I was flipping through a magazine the other day when I happened upon a new “beauty” (I put this in quotes because I don’t feel it’s the right word for the situation) trend being sported by all of the bravest of divas. It’s called “bubble nails” and it involves creating a hump on your nail ON PURPOSE by sculpting and building up the acrylics until they’re a 3D sensation. Why why why?? I guess these ladies are trying to express their individuality, but all I see is what looks like a disgusting growth or casual finger tumor. Please reference below image for confirmation. Be alerted that you may want to vom.
This new…. thing… that’s sweeping across salons and making nail technicians question their sanity got me thinking about some other strange choices we’ve made recently and decided to call “beauty trends”. I mean, I guess we’re supposed to deal with the beauty industry like we deal with art and acknowledge that it’s all subjective. But these trends have me seriously questioning people’s understanding of the meaning of the word “beautiful.”
I am all about mascara. Give me all of the mascara. But, there’s a technique to applying the product that should make your lashes look doll-like, fluttery and flirtatious. I realize everyone has a different taste, but to me, the new spidery, clumpy lashes that are supposedly in style make a lass look like she’s either never applied mascara before, or like her product expired three months ago. This Maybelline ad is trying to actually sell a new mascara with this image. Hey, no thanks!
Bushiest of Brows
Please do not get me wrong. I love me a bold eyebrow. I was that neurotic person that was always breathlessly begging the waxer to leave it “natural, naaaaturaaaallll” when getting them done (I’ve since taken this into my own hands because, neuroses). But brows, IMO, can make or break your face. If you have loose hairs falling nearly down to your lash line, you just kind of look messy. Keep ‘em natural, but keep ‘em cleaned up. At the very least, get thee some brow gel and keep that ish in place!
And speaking of brows, brah, have you seen pictures of the Bleached Brow trend? I don’t really even have words for this. I can’t really even comprehend it. I’m being dramatic, but like, if anyone can think of a reason why anyone should do this, get at me.
Itty Bitty Bangs
I will admit that I have seen some ladies really pull this look off. I have also seen aforementioned ladies with sleek bangs of a normal, longer length and thought they looked much, much better. So kudos to you look great, but I’ll always believe bangs that don’t look like your hairdresser had a panic attack while trimming them will look classier and more flattering. Sorry?
Talons (or Stiletto Nails)
I’m not sure why we’re doing so many strange things with our nails lately. I definitely get the long, more oval shaped acrylic nail trend, but I really can’t wrap my head around the talons! Why do you want sharp pointy claws? You are human, no? You do you, lady friend, but just know that Snow White and I will not be accepting any candy or apples from your witchy hands.