In the heat of the moment, women have a tendency to go for the jugular. Even if they do love you, a heated discussion about hot pocket flavors has a pretty high likelihood of ending in “that’s why your dick don’t work!”
Now, of course a perfectly reasonable response would be to allude to the Sahara, but it’s never a fair fight so you have to keep your dry vagina jokes to yourself while being berated about your limp penis. The problem is that a rocket launcher without rockets is pretty useless. You lovely couples/tindermates need to stop giving each other argument ammo and address your sexual dysfunction issues. Sometimes the problem is much deeper than sex, but I’m not addressing those because this piece just isn’t that deep.
Need some help? This sexual dysfunction flowchart below might clue you in to why you’re having bedroom issues:
- Practice meditation, or take caffeine. Nothing like some good old-fashioned focus. He or she is the only task at hand, give it everything you’ve got. Or take adderall. Your call.
- Get imaginative but not too imaginative. There is such thing as overreaching. All you need is a dash of spice and some restraints. Kidnapping your significant other as they walk home from Trader Joe’s may not go over well.
- Work on your stroke game, arched back game, tongue game, throat game. Technique goes a long way, and the more confident you are with your game plan, the greater the likelihood of a solid performance.