It’s Not Okay: What Andi Dorfman’s Tell-All Book Really Says About Josh Murray

Audrey Morgan
Audrey is a freelance writer and recent graduate from Appalachian State that has an obsession with avocado toast and pop culture. When she's not writing you can most likely find her sitting down with a glass of red wine and judgingly watching reality TV.

If you’re as obsessed with the Bachelor as I am, you’ve probably been watching Bachelor in Paradise religiously, glass of wine in hand, awaiting whatever drama is about to go down on Hookup Island with a pathetic level of enthusiasm. The drama is the best part of the show. Scratch that, it is the show. And in between Evan’s ongoing acts of desperation to get a rose and way too many cocktails and tears, much of the drama this season has been related to Andi Dorfman’s new book, “It’s Not Okay.”


In the book, Andi talks about Josh being an “emotional abuser” and on many occasions this has been brought up in Bachelor in Paradise, but we never hear much more about it.

As we watch Josh Murray and Amanda Stanton fall deeper into their Paradise romance each Monday and Tuesday night, we can’t help but wonder, what’s really in Andi’s book?


Well, this past Bachelorette really knows how to do a tell-­all. She gives the details (sometimes too many) about runner ­up contestant, Nick Viall, what it’s like to date 25 perfectly chiseled men and, most importantly, her and Josh Murray’s happily never after. I know what you’re thinking: “How can an engagement that came out of an eight week dating show with extravagant vacations, unrealistic expectations and no connection to the outside world fail?” Well, there’s a lot to it. So much so that Chris Harrison could call it “the most dramatic tell-­all in Bachelor history.”


The former district attorney did not hold back on Josh, and maybe rightfully so. Their first big fight was actually on the show,­­ a little early for the honeymoon phase to end. About five weeks into the season, the remaining men and Andi went on a group date in Monselice, Italy. Josh had just come off the high of having a one­-on-­one, so the group date probably felt like sharing a date to the prom­­ — definitely not the ideal situation.

Things went from bad to worse when Andi had the men take a lie detector test.

After the men answered all of their questions, like something off a daytime episode of Jerry Springer, it was Andi’s turn. All the men jumped at the chance to read her results. Andi, however, “used this as [her] chance to ‘earn the men’s trust,’ and opted to rip up their results and throw them in the trash.”

Josh and Andi’s fight started there. On their one-­on-­one date,  trust became a very regular topic of conversation for the soon-to-­be couple on a show where one person dates 25 other people. He did not like the fact that she had tested him,­­ whether the results were thrown away or not.

Andi wrote that what surprised her the most was his tone, “He was aggressive and combative, playing the victim and practically asking, ‘How dare you make me prove my honesty?’ And though he was obviously careful with his words as the cameras rolled, no amount of restraint could hide the look in his eyes. It was a look of disgust and rage.”

Andi questioned her relationship with Josh after this, but as we all know, still fell for the former pro ball player with an electric smile and a way with words. What girl wouldn’t?

Josh continued to show little signs even more after the cameras stopped rolling, and he and Andi started fighting. As we know from both his appearances on The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise, the man is well spoken­­ polished to a tee. But his words were a little less well-chosen when he wasn’t mic’d with America watching. Andi wrote, “In his own words, I was not only selfish and unappreciative, but the ‘most miserable person he’d ever met’.”


The former Bachelorette recalls that she lost who she was. She originally lied to her fiance about her “Fantasy Suite Date” with runner-up Nick Viall, in fear it would have lead to the end of her relationship.

She confesses she was afraid quite a bit and had “become a 27-year­-­old woman who walked on eggshells in her own home.”

She eventually fessed up and told Josh what really happened with “Number­25,” as she calls him. And that’s really where it took a turn for the worst.

Looking back she’s realized,

“That one sexual escapade would become a power play used by my fiancé to justify his mistrust in me. It would be an excuse to call me a whore. And it would eventually lead to the demise of my engagement.”

The man who received Andi’s final rose and heart was not satisfied with just that. She states he was extremely controlling. He did not want her to return to her job as a district attorney. He did not want her to talk to other men. She writes,“He made it a rule that she couldn’t take photos with other men… If I talked to another man, I was a ‘whore.’ If I disagreed, I was ‘argumentative.’ If I defied him, I was a bitch.”


In a big fight towards the end of their engagement at a friends wedding, he called her a derogatory name. Andi recalls in her book that it wasn’t the first time he had said that, “but it was the first time he’d said it in public, loud enough for a slew of guests and the wedding planner to hear. My humiliation had hit an all ­time high.”

Andi had an epiphany one day talking on the phone to her friend Nikki Ferrell, the recipient of Juan Pablo’s final rose on the previous season.

She was venting to Nikki about how Josh’s actions scared her and said, “Well… if I show up dead, tell the cops he did it.” As soon as it left her mouth Andi says it “jarred” her.

The couple’s relationship ended not too long after this and though it takes two to give up on a relationship, I think this is tells us a little bit about Josh’s part in it.

As for whether Josh is really the perfectly pleasant bachelor vying for Amanda Stanton’s heart as he seems to be on our TV’s, I think his ex and former district attorney would agree, the jury is still out.

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