If The 5 Remaining Presidential Candidates Were Spice Girls

Daniel Landers
I'm a tri-coastal songwriter, but I spend most of my time in New York City. When I'm not performing, writing, or working in the studio, I'm playing the stock market and being fascinated by humans and their interaction — so I can write about it for 20Something. Oh, I can talk to animals.

With five candidates left in the (drag) race for the Presidential Nomination, there is one obvious fact that needs to be pointed out: They are the Spice Girls.

RELEASE DATE: 23 January 1998. MOVIE TITLE: Spice World - STUDIO: Columbia Pictures Corporation. PLOT: The film follows the Spice Girls and their entourage as manager Clifford, his assistant Deborah, filmmaker Piers who is trying to shoot a documentary on 'the real Spice Girls' and others in their everyday life. PICTURED: Movie poster.

Here’s a breakdown of how this circus of politicians would fit into the British girl group.

Bernie Sanders = Baby Spice

Baby Spice was cute, young and hopeful, just like the people Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders appeals to. His platform is almost utopian, certainly idealistic, and although Bernie couldn’t be less of the “baby” of the group, his supporters, for the most part, are (and what about that cute, bald head of his?).

Do we know if Bernie will be able to get things done? No. Do we know if he needs to wear a bib when he eats spaghetti? Not really. Do we think his ideals are optimistic and a bit naive? Probably. But what he’s saying sure is sweet! Bless your baby/old man heart, Bernie.

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Hillary Clinton = Posh Spice

Posh Spice was so damn cool. She was understated, collected and knew how to pull attention without overtly asking for it. Just like Posh, Hillary Clinton IS the queen of composure and has been the center of much unwanted attention. This election has been especially trying for her with both the Benghazi and email scandals weighing on her back. Don’t feel bad, Hillary, I’m sure Posh would prefer to keep her emails private, too.

Both Hillary and Posh married some serious players and are part of highly publicized and celebrated power couples. And yes, that makes Bill, David Beckham.

hillary clinton

 

Donald Trump = Scary Spice

Coincidentally, “scary” is a word many people have used to describe unlikely celebrity businessman-turned Republican presidential hopeful, Donald Trump. He never censors his words, he’s brash, and just about as colorful as Scary Spice’s famous outfits. Both are known for their over-the-top facial expressions, personalities, and wild, gorgeous locks.The irony of Scary Spice being black isn’t lost on us either.

trump

 

 

John Kasich = Ginger Spice

Ginger was simultaneously the underdog and the leader of the Spice Girls. She always rallied the girls, but did she really impact the group as a whole? Ginger was caring, yet fierce; dainty, yet powerful. Such is John Kasich. He’s the most progressive of the Republicans thus far, and has always taken the higher road during the GOP debate squabbles. Does we love him? No. Do we hate him? No. But he certainly is the lesser of the evils.

john kasich

 

 

Ted Cruz = Sporty Spice

Let’s be real. Sporty Spice wasn’t really an athlete, and neither is Ted Cruz. However, Sporty Spice played the athletic girl in the pop group, and Ted was a championship debater at Princeton. Debate team is a sport, right?

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GIRL POWER!

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