If Celebrities Won Olympic Gold Medals

Becca Van Sambeck
Becca is a recent Fordham grad, a former German beer hall girl, and a new Brooklyn resident who used to read the dictionary for fun as a kid. She has only gotten slightly less lame since then. She loves pugs, chicken fingers, reading and Game of Thrones.

With the Olympics on the horizon, we decided it would be time to award some gold medals of our own to our favorite celebrities. While they might not be able to do cartwheels on a balance beam or run a mile under five minutes, they’ve got other special skills that set them apart from their fellow celebs.

 

Kim Kardashian — Gold Medal in Snapchat

Kim Kardashian proved that Snapchat has more important uses than documenting your truly regrettable drunk karaoke. It is actually a brilliant device for revenge, as she used it to prove to the world Taylor Swift was lying about not giving permission to Kanye West to use his “Famous” lyrics. Kim is our modern day Count of Monte Cristo, and Snapchat is her weapon.

 

Lin-Manuel Miranda — Making History Cool

Lin-Manuel Miranda is the man your history teachers all dreamed of being as they headed to their first day of teaching, all bright-eyed and optimistic. “I’ll be the one to make them believe history is cool!” they think, overjoyed at the impact they will make. Kudos to Lin-Manuel for actually making that fantasy a reality with his hit musical, “Hamilton.”

 

Jennifer Lawrence — Falling

This girl walks around the world like she is Bambi on ice. It’s one thing to fall once while accepting your Oscar. We get it, heels ARE harder than we admit. But three more times? It might be time to pull a Kristen Stewart and stick to the Converse.

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Liam Hemsworth — Gold For…Existing?

Look, I just want to reward my favorite Hemsworth with a little something, okay?!

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Kylie Jenner — Iconic Lips

Have you tried to get a Kylie lip kit?! Unless you’re willing to sell off both your firstborn AND second born child, you aren’t getting it. Those (admittedly very fake) lips are iconic.

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Chrissy Teigen — Twitter

Chrissy Teigen is a Twitter queen, with a perfect comeback for trolls always at the ready. Witness her perfect “blender exchange.” That’s how you interact with fans.

 

Chad Johnson — Eating

Watching this man tear into a sweet potato whole like it’s a Chipotle burrito is a thing of beauty. The man devours food as if he’s just arrived back to society after years of a Castaway-like existence on a desert island. I wish to love something the way Chad evidently loves food.

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Blake Lively — Maternity Style

Blake Lively makes a baby bump look like the season’s hottest accessory. No dowdy, giant shirts for this star; no instead she’s always fashion-forward wearing empire-waist dresses that somehow seem natural or skintight dresses that show off her pregnancy. And all done in heels, all the time.

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