How To Tame A Fuckboy, As Told By A Fuckboy

Cy Moskov
Cy is a vagabond who has brought his southern charm to New York City. He thoroughly enjoys long, fast paced walks on the high line and giving dollar bills to homeless people. When not reading, Cy can be found playing chess in Union Square, writing in his apartment in Greenwhich Village, or playing pick up basketball in Rucker Park.


It takes one to know one so heed my words ladies… every trick in the book, I’ve seent it.



Fuckboys are ubiquitous amongst society; I’m sorry but you can’t escape us. When I say “us,” I’m speaking a former self: a self that was well versed in the tragic and manipulative amalgamation of duplicity, charm and unconfirmed sexual prowess.

A typical fuckboy.

Did I ever call back? No, but I may have sent a text a few days later… a winky face emoji paired with a peach and the three squirting water droplets usually sufficed, because why in the great name of Jimmy Tatro would I ever tell a girl I actually like them… unless of course I didn’t like them and wanted them to stick around.

Did I hook up with multiple girls in a friend group? Obviously… but it’s not like any of them ever found out.

Did I ever give a girl an orgasm? I have no idea… but at least I always asked.



The purpose of this piece is not to gloat about my former ways — a set of ideals of which I am now ashamed — but instead to arm women with the proper tools and overarching critical framework to combat and potentially tame the Boy of Fucks, or as we say in Pig Latin, the Uckboy-fay.


Who is the Fuckboy?

A fuckboy comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they’re the boisterous frat bro at the bar with a closet of pastel collared shirts that resembles Monet’s pallet. Other times the fuckboy is more discreet, preferring to operate through text and other clandestine measures. Regardless, he’s dangerous and will break your heart faster than you can say “vodka soda hold the soda.”

Yet there is something attractive about the fuckboy, a certain magnetism that he is able to exude that you just can’t stay away from. It’s a tragic truth, but fuckboys do well for themselves for a reason. However, if you’re able to play the game right back, you’ll eventually have the fuckboy of your dreams all to yourself. Without having to resort to chaining him to your bed.


Be Patient.

You’re going to get frustrated… he’s going to ignore your texts, flirt with your friends, and hint at taking you on dates then not… but time is on your side. Every fuckboy caves eventually and comes back; the temptation to rekindle an old flame or keep a new one lit is too great. Plus, if you’re the type to give him the ultimatum that it’s either being exclusive with you or nothing, then I guarantee he will not stick around.


Play the Game.

It takes two to tango. There’s nothing more maddening for a fuckboy than getting dragged into the enigmatic game of feigned interest. Whether that means not responding to his texts or acting hot then cold, if you’re able to vary your methods of communication then you will keep him guessing, and in turn, thinking of you. By no means should this urge you to be rude and stand up dates or make disparaging comments, but instead politely demure, speak circuitously, and make sure he can’t get a good read.


Let Go.  

Let’s be real, odds are you’re too good to waste your time with a fuckboy anyway. If you’re stuck in the emotional trap that leads you to become crazed over a guy that doesn’t treat you right, then just forget about it because somewhere else there is another guy that will. I know it’s hard, but in the long run you will be happy that you were able to show restraint and not stoop down to his level. It’s better to let somebody else deal with his antics and bullshit.