In partnership with What’s In Your Box
Let’s talk about sex. More specifically, why so many smart, successful and vital women aren’t having it (at least not enough of it that’s any good).
I recently asked some of the women in my life what the ratio of good to bad sex they’ve had is. The answers were a mixed bag. For example:
“Probably 80 good/20 bad. But the thing with me is I haven’t had too much random sex.“
“All the sex I had before my current boyfriend was horrible, so probably like 65 good/35 bad.“ Gotta love math.
“Very poor. Easily less than 50/50.”
Hell, when I think about my own ratio I’m sent into a dark cave of blurred memories, flying limbs and careless men painted haphazardly across the walls like a dissuading omen to any who dares explore their sexuality. All in all, I’m left with a proportion of about 50/50 as well. Not the worst, I initially thought to myself – but then again, why TF isn’t it an overwhelming 100% good? (Or at the very least 80/20 when accounting for shitty outliers, circumstances out of your control and a minor learning curve?)
Talking with women about their ratios revealed a few (albeit not statistically significant, but consistent) discoveries, one of the most prominent of which was: Women with better ratios tended to have had less sex.
While this could largely be related to how comfortable people are with new partners, I couldn’t help but think back to an infamous SATC scene starring the Joan of Arc of sexual empowerment, Samantha Jones. “When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come,” she proudly announces to the incredulous ears of Carrie and Charlotte as she describes her ability to finish every single time she has sex.
Granted not everyone is eagerly boarding the modern free love train (which is all fine and good, this article is not about disempowering any woman’s sexual choices or preferences), but “I couldn’t help but wonder,” why is this such a surprising thing to hear? Why couldn’t this be the norm?
And that is what set me on a journey to find the answer to having better sex more often – not having to sacrifice quality for quantity.
Dusting off my middle school science fair knowledge, I started with step 1 – hypothesis. I hypothesized that many women have unsatisfying sex because they aren’t sure what it is that would even satisfy them. They haven’t had the safe opportunity to explore their sexuality – and during the research for this article I started to understand why. Deterred by the anticipated discomfort of an in-person interaction at a sex shop, I turned to the millennial BFF, the Internet.
But thanks to the increasingly creepy capabilities of Big Data, my entire Internet experience became littered with lube and vibrators from Amazon causing me to abandon my research before it had even begun. I was willing to bet that more than one other woman has faced similar barriers and, without the same motivation, simply gave up.
Without another solution (besides the potentially risky situation of meeting that guy from Bumble who proposed you come over for an authentic BDSM experience), are women just prescribing themselves to a life of unfulfilling sex?
This revealed two glaring problems – 1) Why is no one openly talking about this? Why does this still feel like a taboo topic we only dare speak about in the privacy of our padlocked apartments with our closest friends after a few glasses of pinot? And 2) Why was there no obvious solution to our painfully low sexpectations?
Turns out I wasn’t the first woman to come across these questions. Enter Christine Long, founder of a subscription box service aptly named “What’s In Your Box?”
As I met with Christine over several glasses of rosé, the conversation quickly turned to sex. I learned about her journey as a young entrepreneur, driven by the passion for an issue that had personally affected her. I learned about the company’s formation, aiming to kick-start a conversation about women’s sexual health. I even learned we had a shared partner, which was particularly apropos given the topic of the evening, and further dissolved the illusory barrier that prevents us from openly having these kinds of conversations with a new friend in a bustling NYC bar.
What’s In Your Box is a monthly, curated box of products, toys, tips & tricks shipped directly (and discretely) to your door. As Christine describes it, she hopes her company can “normalize the use of products and toys to make for an overall sex-positive experience that assists subscribers in their journey towards self-discovery and climax.”
She makes it easy and affordable for women to have a safe and satisfying sex life by “empowering them to explore their bodies without stigma or shame.”
And as she said that, I realized, isn’t that pretty much the answer to the whole overarching question?
So there you have it, 20somethings. The answer to having better sex more often? Explore. Experiment. Talk. Find ways to safely explore your body and get to know yourself better with a product like WIYB. Experiment and try something new, whether with your long-term boyfriend or a new partner you feel comfortable with. Talk openly with other women and your partner with the goal of removing the stigma and creating a sex life that is satisfying for all parties.
Interested in trying What’s In Your Box? I don’t blame you, I pretty much fell in love immediately after discovering it, and at only $15 a month it’s hard to argue.
The curated June box, called Hot & Heavy, promises to “keep you wet where it matters, and dry where it counts.”
Christine says to expect everything from sex toys, to freshening wipes and powders, ingrown remedies, handcuffs, condoms, lubricants and sensual accessories. The bonus? Each new subscriber gets a vibrator in their first box – yass.
The last day to sign up for the Hot & Heavy box is June 1st, or subscribe at any time to receive the next box which we’re sure won’t disappoint. Let’s just say we’re anxiously awaiting our first box over at 20something. Happy sexing!