Hate That I Love You: An Open Fan-Obsessed Letter To Rihanna

Mahogany Bullock
Writer. NYC. ECU Grad.

My Dearest Rihanna,

As I sit here, using your infamous interview with Oprah as white noise, I am unnecessarily reminded of how much I both admire and adore you. From the day I heard “Pon De Replay,” I couldn’t help but fawn over your every move. In the beginning of your illustrious career, many saw you as just another temporary teen pop sensation that would soon be lost in the infinite sea of names. However, I saw you for what you really were: an icon.

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Since day 1, I have bought all your music and obsessed over every life choice you made. From you drastic hair changes and tattoos, to your love life and red carpet choices, I have made it a point to stay abreast with even your most mundane actions.

Now, I say all this to say, I am not an ordinary fan who is overflowing with adoration for you. No. I am actually suffering from a slight addiction that I wish I could rid of. I hate it. I hate how much I love you, Rihanna. You haven’t even put any new music out in years! If I could pinpoint the exact reason why I love you so much, that might help. However, I have no idea.

I remember seeing you on a red carpet with a giant pink dress, and thought “Goodness, that’s ugly.” Two days later the background on my phone was you, staring up at me in the hideous pink dress. It’s like, I can’t help it.

No matter what you do, I’m a fan. Why is it that I can’t live a normal non-obsessed life?? I’ve lost friends because I refuse to allow anyone to do anything but sing your praises.

I’m writing you this letter because I hate you, but I love you. I hate you because I love you. I’m sick, Rih. I need help! Preferably yours. How is it that you can literally walk out in pajama pants and still manage to awe me? HOW?

Honestly, I was just hoping there was a way to stop this. Maybe a 12 step program of some sort? Rihanna’s Anonymous? Anything is appreciated.

#barbados #cropover2015

A photo posted by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on

With hate and love, hope to hear from you soon,

An obsessed fan, who doesn’t want to be obsessed anymore, but still kind of wants to be obsessed. Because what is life without loving Rihanna. I love you. (Hate you.)