Everything You Need To Know In The News This Week

We’re lurking the Pope’s social media, and we’ve applied to grad school so we can legally smoke a Cuban cigar when we graduate. We cried over Brussels, and tripped over this Bosnian guy’s name. Get all caught up with this week’s Gist:


Tragedy in Brussels:

  • On Tuesday morning, 3 suicide bombers killed 34 people and injured 330.
  • The attack happened days after the arrest of Paris attacks suspects. The city was on its highest alert.
  • At 8:00 a.m., 3 men went into the airport armed with unstable bombs. The first went off outside security by the check-in counter. The second was left outside, and exploded moments after bomb squad had arrived.
  • An hour later, at the end of rush hour, another suicide bomber was on the second car of a train pulling into a metro station at the heart of the city.
  • Officials say they’re not surprised about the attacks, however devastating. Belgium sees some of the highest numbers of citizens who travel to Syria or Iraq to join ISIS. And those Belgians may be returning.
  • Learn how you can honor the victims by taking a look here.


A former Bosnian Serb leader was convicted of Genocide

  • Rodovan Karadzic. Who is he? A former Bosnian Serb leader who was convicted of genocide this Thursday.
  • What is a Bosnian Serb and where can I find one? Bosnian Serbs are Serbs who live in the country, Bosnia. A Serb is an ethnic group, much like African American or Hispanic. Serbs are a South Slavic nation native to the Balkans.
  • Now, why do we care about Rodman Kerflunkel…I mean, Karadzic? He’s the man responsible for the deadliest conflict since WWII.
  • To give you a little perspective, all those Ashton Kutcher shirts that read “Stop Genocide” were partially directed towards him.
  • He was convicted of genocide, war crimes, and crimes against humanity.
  • He was found guilty of leading a campaign of terror against civilians, lethal ethnic cleansing operations, siege of Sarajevo, and slaughter of 8,000 Muslim men and boys in Srebrenica.
  • His goal was to eliminate Muslim Bosnians altogether. Remind you of anyone? Hitler maybe? Yep, and this happened during our lifetime.


Apple, the FBI, and (let’s hope) no one’s search history:

  • On Monday, the FBI said that an unnamed third party might be able to provide a method in which the government could access the phone’s information.
  • Which resulted in us saying, “NO SHIT SHERLOCK!”
  • To refresh you, the FBI is bringing Apple to court, hoping to coerce the company to invent a software or universal unlock code so the government could access an iPhone related to the San Bernardino shooting.
  • And now, all of a sudden, there is a third party who can help them unlock the iPhone in question. Like, obviously someone can do that. They’ve probably been able to do that this whole time. There are genius hackers all over this country. But the FBI pressed this entire lawsuit because they wanted easy access into iPhones; a mere “we have a warrant for you phone, bitch.” Not cool.
  • But Apple held strong was like, “Nahh, that’s against our company’s morals.”


“Leave Heidi the hell alone”:

  • Is this a quote from The Hills? Sadly, this one doesn’t involve Spencer’s Heidi.
  • This week, a Twitter war between GOP candidates Trump and Cruz commenced.
  • The deal: Trump started the Twitter feud with a tweet about “spilling the beans” on Cruz’s wife. BUT that tweet stemmed from a Cruz Facebook ad directed towards Mormons that apparently shows Trump’s wife posing nude.
  • Trump responded accordingly:
  • Cruz fired back with, “Donald, you’re a sniveling coward and leave Heidi the hell alone.”


Yogis are on Georgia’s shit list: 

  • Parents of children attending Bullard Elementary School in Kennesaw, GA are really not having it with the whole yoga thing.
  • The principal had to send out a newsletter apologizing to the parents for any misunderstanding or miscommunication.
  • What’s up their shakra? Parents are livid about their children not being able to pray in school or say the original version of the Pledge of Allegiance,  while they are allowed to practice yoga with “powerful crystals” and other customs that originate from “far east religions.”
  • The school’s stance is that yoga can ease testing anxiety, social anxiety, by teaching children to focus on their breathing.
  • The new parameters include no mention of the word, “Namaste”, no placing hands “to heart center”, and no coloring pages of the symbol of Mandala (an Indian religious symbol).


Cuban cigars may be in your near future:

  • Obama visited Cuba this past weekend; the first presidential trip to Havana since 1928.
  • The U.S. trade embargo has enormously damaged Cuba’s economic stability since the 40s, even preventing international ships from docking in Cuban ports for a period of time.
  • When Nelson Mandela passed away, Obama and Castro first shook hands at his funeral.
  • Now, talks and agreements are in the works to develop trade and commerce relationships.
  • Get your Instagram ready for your first legal Cuban cigar.


North Carolina signs a bill that bans protection of the LGBT community:

  • Wednesday, North Carolina’s General Assembly voted to prevent cities and counties from passing protections against LGBT discrimination.
  • The law banned employers and businesses from discriminating against employees or consumers based on: race, color, country of origin, religion, age or biological sex. But it does not protect the LGBT community.
  • It also prevents schools from allowing transgender people to use the bathroom that coincides with the gender they identify with.
  • Supporters in North Carolina tweeted statements saying they agree with the law because political correctness was surpassing the right to privacy and etiquette, and they’ve had enough.
  • This is a big deal. The LGBT community has been in the spotlight since Caitlyn Jenner transitioned.
  • Citizens are protesting, saying bans like this are similar to the lingering racist bans during the civil rights movement in the 60’s.
  • But conservatives are saying enough is enough. They don’t care whose feelings are hurt; bathrooms are separated by sex for a reason.


March Madness is crushing your brackets and dreams:

  • We know you’re upset. But, we also don’t care and are going to make you read through everything that f***ed up your beautiful bracket:
  • Michigan State lost in the 1st.
  • Yale beat Baylor.
  • Purdue lost to Little Rock, AK.
  • Wichita State beat Arizona.
  • Northern Iowa lost to Texas A&M.
  • Sorry not sorry.


Hide yo kids, hide yo wives, The Pope got an Instagram:




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