Everything You Need To Know In The News This Week

Obama Out *Drops Mic*: 

  • This Saturday was the White House Correspondence Dinner, also known as “make fun of everyone in politics in the most politically correct way” night.
  • Host, Larry Wilmore, wasn’t all too controversial, apart from the casual, “Welcome to Negro Night here in Washington– or as Fox News will report, Two Thugs Disrupt Elegant Dinner in D.C.”
  • Obama got a few berns in, saying Bernie looks like a million bucks…or in a language he would understand, “37,000 donations of $27.00 each.”
  • Hilary was also snubbed when Obama compared her trying to appeal to young people to your old relative who just joined Facebook. “Dear America, Did you get my poke?”
  • And of course there’s Trump – who was nowhere to be found. Obama mulled over possible reasons for his not attending, like eating a Trump steak, perhaps?
  • Regardless of how comfortably predicable all of the jokes were, there was one truly great moment that Obama undoubtedly deserved, no matter what your political views are. And that, my friends, is a mic drop.
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Protests in Iraq Continue: 

  • Remember the protests in Baghdad last week? Hint: Iraqi citizens are sick of so much political corruption.
  • Well, things escalated pretty quickly. This weekend, thousands of people who showed up to protest broke into the city’s “Green Zone,” as in the place where government buildings and the US Embassy are located. Baghdad officials were forced to declare a state of emergency.
  • Last week, protestors were informed that parliament had taken their request to completely replace Iraq’s cabinet members, and had begun the voting process.
  • The majority was satisfied that parliament would be finished by now, but many view so much time passing as parliament trying to sneak by and keep things as is. Cue even more protestors.
  • Why is this so bad? The US needs Iraq to be strong during the fight against ISIS. Especially right after the loss of a US Navy Seal.
  • Special Warfare Operator 1st Class Charles Keating IV was killed in a battle with Islamic State fighters. Rest in Peace, Charles.

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  • The citizens also need a strong government to push back against ISIS, as the protests temporarily disbanded due to an ISIS car bombing in the square killing up to 30 citizens.

 

“We Have to Help Our Island Just a Hundred Miles Across”:

  • This lyric from Hamilton rapper, Lin Manuel-Miranda’s, song urging the United States to come to Puerto Rico’s aid is all too real. 
  • Monday, Puerto Rico was due to pay $422 million in debt. What? You mean they don’t have that lying around?
  • Like Puerto Rico’s governor said, “Not happening.”
  • How did this start? For years, Puerto Rico’s unique laws and loopholes made it enticing for businesses to open and operate on the island.
  • However, since 2006, businesses and people have been leaving because of a tax break that expired, causing a severe downturn in Puerto Rico’s economy.
  • Congress has been delaying coming to Puerto Rico’s aid, but many think their deferred payment should suffice as a wake-up call.
  • Last week, star of Broadway’s hit show Hamilton, Lin Manuel-Miranda, rapped on John Oliver, urging congress to step in.

  • Said NYC tourists everywhere, “Puerto Rico? I heard he was great in it!”

 

President Obama Visits Flint, Michigan Following Water Crisis:

  • Wednesday, President Obama made his first visit to Flint, Michigan since the water crisis.
  • Obama promised he would not rest until the water was safe again.
  • To jog your memory — Flint, Michigan has been through the ringer after cases of lead poisoning led officials to discover the city’s water was unsafe. This was caused by a pipe switch that was intended to save the city money, but the pipes they switched to were made of… you guessed it, lead. Cue sick children and millions of dollars down the drain. Literally.
  • During his visit, Obama scored a round of applause after asking for a glass of water. “I really did need a glass of water. This is not a stunt,” said Obama, as he was picking his mic back up. Again.
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Celebrities Rock the “Manus x Machina” Theme Met Ball:

  • If you’re wondering why you’ve been seeing pictures of celebrities wearing metal over their tuxedos and steel showered over their gowns, welcome to the Met Ball.
  • Come again? The Met Ball is the Oscars for fashion. It’s Regina’s George’s Sweet Sixteen every year. And anyone who is anyone is invited to dress up according to the year’s boundary-pushing theme.
  • To celebrate, here are some of the Met Ball’s most memorable looks. And Amy Schumer:
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  • As, as promised, Amy Schumer.

A photo posted by @amyschumer on

 

Is It General Election Time Yet? 

  • Tuesday, Indiana voted in the primaries, and for the first time, it mattered a whole lot.
  • By that, we mean that normally around this time in the nominations, the outcome is pretty clear. However, Indiana had a big say in who still has hope to win.
  • On the Republican side, Trump beat out Cruz and Kasich by a solid amount. This led Ted Cruz to suspend his campaign Wednesday night, and Kasich followed suit shorty thereafter.
  • But Trump can’t cross his T’s just yet. Legally, the GOP nominee must meet a certain number of delegate votes. So regardless of popular vote, if he deosn’t meet the required number of delegates, the Republican party can hold a contested convention and nominate someone from left field. Cough, Paul Ryan, cough.
  • On the Democratic side, Sanders took Indiana. However Clinton is still in the lead. It would take a lot for Sanders to get the nomination, but he is not giving up, using his favorability against Trump as his main running platform now.
  • And the race continues…

 

I Have a Dream, and It Includes a Bathroom: 

  • Wednesday, the North Carolina justice department declared the recent LGBT laws (the ones that allow businesses and churches to refuse any LGBT person for religious reasons) as a violation of the Civil Rights Act.
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  • This is a huge deal for LGBT rights around the country. Conservative politicians and lawmakers have been associating LGBT people with pedophiles and sexual predators, claiming the reason they don’t want transgender people to use their claimed sex’s bathroom is so that a grown men can’t have access to little girls.
  • Do they realize they’re then saying sexual predators and pedophiles will be stopped by a sign on a swinging door that says who belongs? Amusing stuff, guys.
  • North Carolina could lose millions of dollars in federal funds unless they rapidly alter the law. Tick tock…

 

The Road to the NBA Ring

  • We’ve compiled a rapid fire round of what you need to know about the NBA Playoffs so far.
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  • The Miami Heat beat the Toronto Raptors in Game 1 of the 2nd round of playoffs. (Each round plays to best out of 7 games.)
  • Atlanta is playing the Cavaliers in the other half of the east bracket; Cavs are up 1-0.
  • In the west bracket, Golden State is up 2-0 against Portland.
  • Golden State’s Steph Curry has been out with a knee injury.
  • Finally, the Spurs are tied 1-1 with the Thunder.

 

Stop, Drop and Evacuate — Wildfire Causes Mass Evacuation in Alberta, Canada:

  • In Alberta, Canada, Fort McMurray, a city of 88,000 people, has been evacuated due to wildfires.
  • The fast-moving blaze broke out on Sunday, and has already destroyed nearly 1,600 structures.
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  • The defense minister said the Canadian military was prepared to assist hundreds of firefighters.
  • The town is the center for Canada’s oil sands region, and many pipes have been shut to reduce the amount of people who need to stay.
  • So far, no injuries have been reported, but officials say the next 24 hours will be crucial.

 

Cinco de Bad Puns:

  • Hopefully your tequila hangover has subsided long enough for you to chow down your leftover tacos… and long enough for you to stomach this:

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  • The internet did not disappoint:

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