Everything You Need To Know From The News This Week

What’s that? Kim Kardashian posted a nude selfie and you’re surprised? Welcome to the world, young ones. We’re covering her breasts, the election, North Korea, and Harry Potter! Here’s everything you need to know in this week’s Gist.

 

Ruh Roh, Scooby, Rydrogen Rombs:

  • On Thursday, North Korea released a public statement claiming to have miniature nuclear warheads that fit on ballistic missiles.
  • This February, North Korea released a report that they successfully tested a hydrogen bomb.
  • This is very unchill because North Korea hates literally everyone.
  • Good News? Karl Dewey, a proliferation expert, claims it’s possible that it’s actually a thermonuclear bomb, but not a hydrogen bomb.
  • He also talked a lot more science jargon, but basically, the shape itself means it’s not a hydrogen bomb. Phew.
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Welcome to MiAHHMI, candidates!

  • This is what you should know in the world of politics this week:
  • Donald Trump will most likely be your Republican candidate.
  • Bernie Sanders had a huge win Wednesday with the state of Michigan. And we mean yuuugggeee. (Had to do that, I’m so sorry)
  • Clinton appeals to moderates, but a lot of people are still mad at her because she wrote business emails on her private server and because she was held responsible for the death of 4 Americans in Benghazi.
  • In reality, Clinton had thousands and thousands of Secretary of State emails on her private server, which means she just didn’t care and/or realize that this was illegal (because nothing in the actual emails were illegal). We were mad, too, but we read up on it and we’re moving past it.
  • Everyone is focused on Florida because it’s a swing state.
  • The Thursday night GOP debate consisted of topics you’d expect: denial of serious environmental issues, blaming everything on Obama, and telling their parents’ immigrant stories.
  • But what we didn’t expect was a mature, insult-less debate. Good job, kids!
  • The Democratic debate on Wednesday night was pretty rowdy. Clinton and Sanders hashed it out over immigration, Trump, and the “too big to fail” companies.

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  • And a few other things have come to light as well: Sanders is killin’ it right now, and so is Trump. These very opposite and extreme candidates leave the moderates of this country as the swing voters (if Sanders and Trump win).

Peace in the Middle East:

  • Tuesday, a former U.S. Army Officer was stabbed to death in Tel Aviv, Israel.
  • He was in the graduate program at Vanderbilt University and part of a tour group learning how Israel is functioning.
  • This comes as a devastating loss, of course, to his friends, family, and community. But it also comes as a possible loss of peace, because the suspect is a Palestinian.
  • On another note, after months and months of negotiating nuclear sanctions, Iran was called out for missile testing this Thursday.
  • Iran claims they didn’t violate their sanctions, claiming it was purely for defense purposes.
  • But the U.N. was like “mmmmnah” when they read one of the two ballistic missiles.
  • It said, “Israel should be wiped off the earth” in Hebrew. Subtle, Iran. Reaaal subtle.

 

It’s not “Wingardium LeviOsa”, it’s “Wingardium LeviosA”:

  • On Tuesday, everyone’s favorite author, JK Rowling, was the center of a quirky auction.
  • The plain wooden chair in which Rowling wrote the first two novels of the eight-novel series is being auctioned off for the second time.

  • The first time, proceeds went to a charity and sold for upwards of $20,000. Now it is being auctioned off again, and the bidding starts at $45,000.
  • Hopefully that $45,000 includes every spell ever written, a foot massage from JK Rowling herself, a wand, and Dobby.
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This town ain’t big enough for the two of us:

  • One of the Manning brothers is getting left behind in the NFL, and we’re experiencing a range of emotions: sentimental, a little sad, a little happy, but mostly… not surprised.
  • Peyton Manning officially announced his retirement this past Monday; he waited so long as to not take away the Bronco’s Super Bowl lime light.
  • Though the announcement has gone down entirely drama-free. Sexual assault accusations from his college days have been thrown out there, but they aren’t really sticking.

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  • For your viewing pleasure, you can check out his retirement speech here.

 

Just in time, key evidence for the OJ Simpson case *rolls eyes*: 
• A month ago, a retired LAPD officer turned in a knife that was supposedly found in OJ’s home two decades ago by a construction crew.
• Rumors were flying that it would sufficiently tie OJ to the murder of his ex-wife and her friend. But remember, you cannot be tried for the same case twice, so even if the knife proved valid, it would make no difference.
• However, reports are now surfacing that it is not even a valid piece of evidence.
• And to be honest, with the airing of the FX show reenacting the OJ trial, the timing seems to scream “15 minutes of fame.”

Tragedy has struck Manitoba, Canada:

  • An extremely sad report reveals that in Cross Lake, Manitoba, Canada, there have been 6 suicides in the past two months. And a devastating 140 suicide attempts in the past two weeks alone.
  • That math is heartbreaking. Also known as Pimicikamak Cree Nation, Cross Lake is home to the Native American Pimicikamak nation.
  • When questioned in a phone interview, the Chief was very ambiguous about the root of the numerous self-harm cases, but he did remark that the government just hasn’t stepped in.
  • It smells like something big is brewing up there, so keep your eyes, ears, and hearts open to the Pimicikamak people.

 

Kim K’s boobs make headlines. Again. 

  • It’s no secret that Mr. Kanye West doesn’t mind getting down and dirty on Twitter. But his wifey? To quote Destiney’s Child, “Girl, I didn’t know you could get down like that.”
  • This past Monday, Kim tweeted a nude picture of herself, the caption reading, “When you have nothing to wear LOL”.
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  • She then received a lot of backlash from tweeters everywhere, including Bett Midler, Pierce Morgan, and Chloe Moretz.
  • But Kim threw so much shade at them all, it kind of made us like her a little bit more.
  • In her blog, she wrote a post about how it’s 2016 and she can’t believe people are still slut-shaming. She said “I’m allowed to be sexy.”

NEW YORK, NY - FEBRUARY 13:  Kim Kardashian West is seen on February 13, 2016 in New York City.  (Photo by Marc Piasecki/GC Images)

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