New Hampshire left the Iowa champs behind, Cam Newton won’t be dabbing for a while, the entertainment industry is scrambling to address the race issue, Red Lobster sales are skyrocketing, and we still haven’t found a date for Valentine’s Day. If you’re feeling like a paper bag drifting through the wind, not knowing anything — relax, and let us catch you up with this week’s gist.
The New Hampshire primaries are over, and it’s all getting very real:
- The Tuesday night primary served mainly as a confirmation for the projected winning candidates — Trump took the Republican Party and Sanders took the Democratic.
- The Republican and Democratic parties aren’t really huge fans of the New Hampshire winners, but tough break, because both candidates’ futures are looking promising.
- In the “Live Free or Die” state, their candidate choices sent some messages towards lying politicians (Clinton cough cough) and big political money (every politician cough cough). They don’t want none of that, and they cast their votes accordingly.
- Chris Christie and Carly Fiorina officially retracted from the Presidential race, leaving most people saying, “Oh, I thought that already happened.”
- So, what does this mean, you ask? Well, people don’t feel like they can trust Hilary enough, and the Republicans can’t seem to find anyone electable.
- Fox news tried to distract from Trump’s top spot, and aired this video of Bernie Sander’s supporters:
- But then everyone was like, “lol.”
- “lol again.”
Last Sunday, we consumed our weight in beer and five-layer dip to watch Super Bowl 50: the year without Roman numerals, because effort.
- The Denver Broncos beat the Carolina Panthers 24 to 10 this past Sunday.
- Football analysts – along with every girlfriend ever – are saying the game wasn’t too exciting, because the Bronco’s defense was da bomb.
- One big surprise was Cam Newton storming out of the post-game press conference. ESPN commentators told him to man up, but the fashion police have been saying that since his Versace pants:
- MVP of the game went to Denver Bronco’s Von Miller, but what fans really wanted to know was, when is Peyton Manning going to drop the retirement announcement??
- And even more fans are waiting for Eli Manning’s explanation to this:
Eli Manning.. pic.twitter.com/u9JUxkMyHK
— NFL Memes (@NFL_Memes) February 8, 2016
- Luckily our boy Jimmy Fallon filled in some of the blanks for us.
- And on the subject of Jimmy Fallon, there was another Superbowl MVP and her name was Kristin Wiig.
Beyoncé is under some heat…and we’re not talking about her perfume:
- Beyoncé performed during the Super Bowl 50 halftime show along with Coldplay and Bruno Mars.
- The theme of the show was an ode to past halftime performers. We saw a montage video featuring clips of artists and legends rocking out, but Bey’s performance was a little more controversial…
- With the release of her new song and video “formation”, came a whole lot of conversation about racial issues. Her and her backup dancers were dressed as Blank Panther members, and they even formed an ‘X’. As in Malcolm X.
- Some people speculate it was in honor of a former Michael Jackson Super Bowl performance when he wore a similar costume, but others are saying it was straight up anti-police, pro-violence, and racist.
- And some even more people are saying it was pro-equality and pro-black culture. Dizzy yet?
- On the bright side, Red Lobster is getting, like, mad business, just because Bey mentioned it in the song. Oh, what a time to be alive.
- And Chris Martin has been compared to the left shark! There, I said it!!
Chris Martin was the Left Shark of this year's halftime show pic.twitter.com/MWV9B0VkcK
— Spencer Althouse (@SpencerAlthouse) February 8, 2016
Flint Water Crisis could turn from Neglect to Manslaughter.
- In April 2014, Flint, Michigan switched their water supply for cost purposes.
- Early this year, harmful lead levels were detected in the new water.
- This week, a federal investigation has been launched concerning a spike in deaths from Legionnaires’ disease–which may or may not be linked to lead poisoning.
- Top investigators are focusing on local officials, speculating possible gross negligence and maybe even manslaughter if the deaths are linked to the lead levels in the water.
- And so far, even the governor doesn’t want to speak to the news. Whatcha hiding, Snyder..?
Happy Chinese New Year! Here goes the Year of the Monkey.
- Although the Chinese officially follow the Gregorian calendar, they also celebrate the lunar calendar, which marked the New Year this past Monday.
- Each year, a zodiac animal is assigned to represent specific characteristics; this year is the year of the monkey AKA the intelligent, witty, curious, playful…so basically us. *hair flip emoji*
- So you’re thinking, “Why did I not go out in an uncomfortably tight sequin dress and 2016 glasses Monday night?!” The Chinese New Year actually marks one of the quietest nights in the streets of Hong Kong.
- For them, the night is about family. Think: Thanksgiving dinner, minus your creepy drunk Uncle.
Ever feel like Valentine’s Day is the end of the world? You just might be right…
- Valentine’s Day is this Sunday, February 14th, 2016. Does that date sound familiar?
- In the film Ghostbusters II, a cocktail-buying alien leaves a bar saying the world will end on that exact date, followed by a half-hearted “bummer.”
- In the dateless and chocolate-less moment, this may sound like a relief, but Chloe Webb – the actress who played Elaine – assured us otherwise:
ERMEGERD FULLER HOUSE RELEASED A TEASER!
- Our favorite show from the 90s has confirmed a sequel series — “Fuller House” with Netflix, and they’ve finally released a teaser trailer.
- The only original cast members missing from the show are the Olsen twins (that just would have made it too good to be true), but they apologized to fans, claiming their schedules were just too slammed.
- Michelle does have her moment, though, when the Olsen’s are mentioned in trailer and reprimanded for not being there with a classic “How rude!” voicemail.
- Okay, enough said. Watch it 75 times and freak out in peace:
- This truly was the party that couldn’t be stopped. Ignoring the government’s suggestions to stay indoors, keep your clothes on, and lather up with insect repellant, Brazilians bared it all.
- Despite the Zika virus running rampant in Brazil, this 5-day festival sported some outfits that would make even mosquitos blush: