Summer is officially upon us, which in New York translates to rooftops, late sunsets and happy hours (although I think this is standard no matter what time of year it is). My office personally likes to do a variety of drinking activities including ordering Tipsy Scoop (think boozy ice cream), Family Feud Night, Thirsty Thursday, and my personal favorite, start drinking at 11:30 am on Fridays.
Now any of us that live in a major city i.e. New York, you know that a cocktail can cost you a healthy $15 (maybe $20 depending on where you are) so free liquor is not something to scoff at. However, where do you draw the line? No one wants to be the guy who they find sleeping under his desk the next morning, the girl who gets sent home in an Uber at 9 p.m., or even worse the person who gets caught making out with a co-worker in the bathroom because they got a little too aggressive with the whiskey. For all of you working ladies and gentlemen out there here are a few key rules to remember at any work sponsored “Happy Hour”.
1. Liquor before beer you’re in the clear, but beer before liquor you’ve never been sicker…or just don’t drink 15 glasses of wine at any company event
There is no better rule to not getting sick than moderation. Sure some people can’t mix liquors, or some people prefer dark liquor over white liquor, but the general consensus I’ve come to after 10 years of drinking (sorry mom) is moderation is key. Although it is true that generally cheap liquor don’t necessarily always agree with the stomach, usually you just need to say no to that ninth drink and substitute it for a nice glass of h20.
2. Please, don’t be ashamed to stuff your face
Anybody who has ever met me knows I never say no to a snack, especially when I’m drinking. I am the queen of drunchies (drunk munchies), and have been known to get lost during a night out because I’m looking for a snack. In fact, I prefer double fisting with a drink in one hand and a mac & cheese ball in the other. You can drink all the water you want but nothing keeps you relatively sober quite like a good hearty snack. Drinking on an empty stomach is a big no-no and unless you’re like my former company which liked to have 4-hour open bars and bring out food during the last 30 minutes then this shouldn’t be a problem as most sensible people understand this to be a given.
3. Keep your hands to yourself
I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but mixing business with pleasure it not a good move, especially after four glasses of Pinot Grigio. Sure you think Vanessa in Engineering is cute, but I urge you to remember how awkward Monday morning will be if you try to make your big move in front of your entire company, especially if you’ve had a few.
The key to remember here is don’t shit where you eat, that’s just nasty.
4. A simple two step is all you need
Back when I joined my first company the team was much smaller, we would have bartenders, catered food, and a DJ at our happy hours. Obviously the Christmas party and summer party also featured some pretty hot tracks and this was both a blessing and a curse. Three is my magic number. It takes about three drinks for me to feel like Beyoncé has inhibited my spirit and that I am able to do just about anything.
Although my friends might have a different opinion, I strongly beg to differ. Just because you can throw that ass in a circle, the company party is most definitely not the place to do so. I know you want to let loose and release some stress, but you really have to keep it together when “Bad & Boujee” comes on (I know it’s hard). No twerking, don’t drop it like it’s hot, don’t stanky leg, dougie, bend and snap. None of that, really a simple two step is all you need.
5. Think before you speak
Yes, you’ve been at the company for six months. Yes you’ve managed to be on time the majority of the time, worn semi-appropriate clothes, and not throw up on yourself during meetings when you’re hungover. BUT this does not mean you deserve a promotion, raise or a bonus and if you think you do, approaching your supervisor after a few vodka shots is not the move. Take several seats, glasses of water and moments to reflect – did Oprah wait until a company happy hour and ask her boss for a promotion? No she didn’t and neither should you.