“Your mother did not raise you with a wolf in your chest so you could howl over losing a man.”- Soft dies the light, Red Blood Black Ink.
We have all been there. Whether simply out of boredom or out of pining curiosity, we have all stared at our phones while seriously entertaining the idea of texting an ex. Whether you’re the type of person who hesitantly takes a deep breath, closes your eyes to press send, only to delete any evidence of your misdeed, or the type who constantly and unapologetically texts your ex way after the sun’s gone down, your bad habit needs to be broken.
The next time your thoughts decide to travel back in time, ask yourself these eight questions.
1. Are you reaching out because you are feeling lonely?
This is the most obvious reason why people want to reconnect after a breakup. They simply don’t know how to be apart from one another. Don’t be that type of dependent person; learn how to stand on your own two feet.
2. Are you bored?
This is a serious question. Boredom is your worst enemy after a hard breakup. Thoughts constantly drift back to the past, but be strong and resist falling into your old patterns. Go do something. Whether it’s learning something new or getting under someone else, go do.
3. Are you afraid of change?
Change is something we’re all afraid of, because it’s natural to fear the unknown. You are thrown a curveball when someone you loved is no longer in your life. Learn to adapt and take the time to heal.
4. Are you clinging onto something familiar?
Clinging is such an annoying word. No one particularly likes clingy people or clingy relationships. Snap out of it! Out with the old and in with the new. Familiarly is not a good enough reason to look back.
5. Do you believe that you can possibly grow more from an old relationship?
This question isn’t asked enough when debating texting an ex. There is no use in watering something that is dead. Say it out loud.
6. Do you think they can change?
Rome wasn’t built in a day and people don’t change overnight. At the end of the day, people do not change for each other; they change for themselves. They will not change for you.
7. Are you remembering the bad times?
After breakups, people tend to replay their good memories with their SO, repeatedly daydreaming of better days. This isn’t a god awful Nicholas Sparks movie, this is life and you can’t forget all those times they did you wrong.
8. Does this person deserve you?
Instead of simply going down memory lane, think hard about all of the unsavory moments where your chest felt like it wanted to explode. Get in the mud and really think. Don’t be afraid to get dirty. Because after all, the most important relationship you can ever have is with yourself.