Captain American Vs. Iron Man: There’s One Clear Winner

Becca Van Sambeck
Becca is a recent Fordham grad, a former German beer hall girl, and a new Brooklyn resident who used to read the dictionary for fun as a kid. She has only gotten slightly less lame since then. She loves pugs, chicken fingers, reading and Game of Thrones.

It seems like we were just debating whether Batman could take down Superman in a fight, but superhero movies come and go quickly. The new superhero battle royale on everyone’s mind is the fight between Captain America and Iron-Man in Captain America: Civil War. They’re fighting about something that has to do with security? Honestly, who cares. We’ll help you figure out which superhero you want to root for, cause be damned.

Round 1: Superhero Skills

Look, Iron-Man’s suit is really cool. It is. He made this suit that lets him fly and shoot lasers and all this other crazy shit because he’s just that smart. As far as I know, we can’t even make real hoverboards yet. However, Captain America was injected with a special serum that allows him to be incredibly strong and agile, and he has a superpower shield. Steal Tony’s suit and he’s nothing, just a lame middle-aged guy. Captain America can kick your ass no matter what.

Advantage: Captain America with the muscles.

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Round 2: Superhero Style

Iron Man clearly designed his suit for both style and utility, and we can appreciate that. Yet his costume is all about anonymity, and Captain America’s shows off his body and some of his face. In this way, he has a very clear, real edge: He’s Chris Evans. We’re not saying Robert Downey Jr. isn’t handsome, but let’s be real: Chris Evans might have been designed in a lab he’s so perfect. His costume could be a trash bag and he’d still win this race.

Advantage: Captain America again, a perfectly chiseled jaw ahead.

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Round 3: Superhero Socialization

An important part of a battle is having the personality that gets people to support your cause. You’re going to root for people who have charm and charisma. Captain America might be Chris Evans, but he can be a real stick in the mud. It’s cute that he’s from the 1940s, but this seems to have stunted his social skills. Tony Stark is funny and witty and seems like the guy who buys everyone a round of shots at the bar even before he’s really wasted. Captain America may be in the right, but Iron Man will convince you to be on his side anyway with a well-timed quip.

Advantage: Tony Stark by a smirk.

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The Winner: Captain America

So there you have it. When you head into the movie theater this weekend, you know exactly who to root for. Don’t let Iron Man’s charms persuade you — Captain America is the slightly more superior superhero. After all, the movie is called Captain America.

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