While millionaires might be trying to say that avocado toast is the bane of our existence, there are far less painful sacrifices that we, millennials can make that will not only improve lives but will even make the world a better place . Although we strive for individuality, there are a few habits that we somehow have all agreed to that have been giving us a bad name.
1. Hiding bars behind telephone booths, unmarked doors, garbage cans, etc.
Listen everyone, we need to talk about that speakeasy you “found” for this weekend. It’s great that they serve a matcha, gin, lemon, and egg white cocktail for $17 but it’s not 1927, we can get the polio vaccine AND order a drink at a bar. Seemingly every exclusive bar decided to design their entrance based off of that scene when Hagrid takes Harry to Diagon Alley.
Speakeasies operate off of doing the opposite of everything that your parents taught you to do when you were younger.
Go down a mysterious set of stairs? Give the stranger your phone number? Wait for a call from an unknown number telling you when you may safely enter?
It’s never a good sign when the most packed bars are the most hidden in the city.
2. Pretending we’re comfortable at music festivals
Music festivals allow us to see all of our favorite artists while bringing people from all over the country together. The downside is that involves sleeping in crappy tents, no showers, and hoping that you and your friends brought enough toilet paper to last the weekend.
Festivals on Instagram look like this…
How it actually feels after day 2…
3. Keeping LinkedIn a thing
LinkedIn was the necessary evil we all created in college because our professors told us it would help us get that first job. We all took that awkward picture and spiced up our internship experience that was honestly 95 percent coffee runs and formatting PowerPoints.
It’s spiraled out of control to the point of where people are sending each other “Happy Birthday” and shitty quotes about “management.” LinkedIn is the app version of the the “Hang In There” cat poster.
4. Posts About Our Parents on Holidays (Mother’s/Father’s Day, Their Birthday)
What an interesting contradiction of our generation. So we’re creating these posts for the social networks our parents aren’t yet on? Godforbid we actually call them on the phone. This past Father’s Day my entire Instagram was swarmed with heartfelt messages under a 15-year-old picture to a person who might be on Facebook, but is not Instagram. Trust me, I checked for the tag.
It’s bad enough that every Mother’s and Father’s Day have become humble brag, my mom/dad is better than yours but let’s at least let them see the post so we know what we think of them.
It might take us a while but I believe in us! We can admit that festival port-o-potties are the 10th circle of hell and that maybe $17 for a old fashioned isn’t worth it because we had to walk down an abandoned alley, jump into a garbage can, and knock on the bottom four times to be allowed into the bar. Let’s break free from everyone’s expectations and do what we want, not what’s expected…but I’ll wait for you guys to delete your LinkedIn before I get rid of mine.