One year ago today, I remember finding myself fed up — fed up with Halloween and fed up with the fact that I could no longer go trick-or-treating. What makes it socially acceptable to be knocking on doors for candy with your little brother one year, and rolling down the streets in a sexy nurse costume complete with 5-inch heels the next?
Last year, I decided to go against the grain and dress up as food. Half of us were Wendy’s food items (I was my personal favorite #6 or #7 (with cheese) depending on where you are) and the other half were McDonald’s items. One of my friends even went as far as saving the wrappers from some of her favorite McDonald’s items and taping them to her body. This costume is easy enough to make: some construction paper and a positive attitude is all you need.
So imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon another cheeseburger costume.
Unfortunately for me, her costume was nothing more than a skintight nude body contour dress with a meat, tomato, and lettuce belt. Her friends were other various foods. There was a sexy grape (a two-piece purple bikini), sexy blow pops (a skintight dress with BLOW POP written on it), sexy bubble gum (skintight pink dress with BUBBLE GUM written on it) and sexy Tootsie pop. I’ll let you guess at how they did that one.
Halloween is just a day away, and I expect to see some “sexy” versions of absurd items. While searching for my own costume, I found some costumes that really made me do a double take. Enjoy the LOL’s!
I present to you, my friends, two very contrasting hamburgers.
The sexy skunk vs. the really smelly skunk
Now, I’m all for dressing up as animals. They’re cute, cuddly and always down to play. However, there are some animals that are just off limits. Rabbit? Okay, its been done before, but a skunk?
There is nothing even remotely sexy about a skunk that should make you think it’s a good Halloween costume. Yet here is it, a sexy skunk costume.
The sexy honey badger vs. a real-life “loose-skin” honey badger
In addition to the skunk costume, there’s the infamous honey badger. A honey badger is an even less sexy version of a skunk. The dictionary actually describes a honey badger as an animal whose “skin is remarkably loose,” and let’s be real, that’s just gross.
The sexy animal bat vs. a cave bat
Moving on… Bats are scary. Let’s just sexify that version and make it even more scary that a woman would dress up as one.
The sexy dragon vs. a story-book dragon
Dragons don’t exist. Even when they do appear in Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones, they’re eating people. So what’s the deal with these? And why are only women wearing these costumes? There’s nothing more I’d like to see than a fit man in a tight dragon costume.
Apparently this is the classic take on a dragon costume. I’m not quite sure why she has a leash on her neck since never in the history of dragons has anybody ever walked one like a dog.
The sexy knight vs. a knight that actually fights in a battle
Next up: the sexy knight. The whole point of a knight is to fight battles for the king, Lord or whoever. In order to fight these battles, the knight needs armor to protect him from any bodily harm. This costume, however, offers no protection.
A naughty Catholic school girl vs. a holy Catholic school girl
The Catholic school uniform is one that always baffles me. As someone who went to a Catholic school, the thought of wearing a skirt that doesn’t cover my knees is an absolute foreign concept. I understand Britney Spears made this a popular trend in the early 2000’s, but anybody that has met a nun knows you would never try and pull something like this.
The sexy watermelon princess vs. a regular watermelon costume vs. watermelon, the fruit
Below we have a watermelon princess costume (something that I didn’t even know could exist) and a regular watermelon costume. Honestly I’m not sure which one is worse, although going as a watermelon princess is a little bit original.
The hot sock monkey vs. the sock monkey doll you cuddle with at night
Just incase you were wondering, this costume is supposed to represent a sock monkey.
What’s the moral of the story you ask? Ladies, please stick with your classic rabbit, cutesy cat or basic peacock costumes because there is nothing less sexy than a half naked, drunk skunk.