According to Urban Dictionary, “Fuckboy” is defined as:
- “A person who is a weak ass pussy that ain’t bout shit”
- “Someone who can’t find the clitoris”
- “Someone who relies on his mom but doesn’t respect women”
- “Says he’s really into you just to fuck you, but doesn’t want to deal with all the ‘relationship bullshit'”
- “Egotistical assholes who cannot be trusted”
It feels like fuckboys magically sprouted throughout our generation overnight, like weeds overtaking a garden — it’s like a fuckboy plague. Initially, these guys could be spotted miles away, but as time has passed, their fuckboy tactics have become more advanced and they’ve branched off into countless different schools of fuckboy-ism. Nowadays, it can be difficult to even determine whether you’re talking to a fuckboy or not.
Regardless of the type, fuckboys always think that every girl they stick it in is in love with them. Every girl they sleep with is plotting an elaborate ruse to make them “catch feelings.” Because of their own self-inflated egos, they can’t fathom that maybe you, too, are just trying to get laid.
Like the Pokemon of our past, these fuckboys are evolving, and now come in a variety of different shapes and sizes. However, they all share some common similarities such as low self esteem and insecurity.
To help you further develop your fuckboy senses, here are 8 different types of fuckboys who you absolutely do not have time for.
1. The Classic Fuckboy
Fuckboys that you and your friends can’t help but laugh at — straight dirty dogs that DGAF. They will hound you for nudes and excessively send the winky face emoji. They’re always sending you unsolicited dick pics out of nowhere (that you then send on to your friends). You screenshot your conversations with them because they are just so ridiculous. They’ll text you shamelessly throughout a night — “Wyd??” “What are you up to tonight?” “Do you wanna meet up???” Which, of course, translates into, “Do you want to fuck?”
2. The Hobo Fuckboy
This fuckboy has no shame whatsoever. He is constantly mooching off of his friends and the women he sleeps with. They have an entitled attitude, and even though they initiated the outing, you always wind up paying for their drinks. They never seem to have any money to do anything with you besides “Netflix and chill,” but somehow always have money for weed? Typical hobo fuckboy behavior.
3. Fratboy Fuckboy
Interchangeable and synonymous, with very few exceptions.
4. The Neanderthal Fuckboy
They’re incredibly good looking, basically sex on a stick, and sleeping with them seems like a great idea when you’re about 5 vodka Redbulls deep. But once they open their mouth, you just really want to punch them in the face. The Neanderthal Fuckboy is very dim-witted, and talking to them makes your brain angry. They typically say ignorant things and display little to no sign of common sense.
5. The Relationship-Stringer Fuckboy
Beware of these fuckboys. They are incredibly smooth and manipulative, and think every girl they hook up with is madly in love with them — “I don’t know what it is, women just fall in love with me!” They pretend to care about you in order to sleep with you. They seem really nice, and insinuate that they will want something more, but, in reality, are sleazy dbags.
6. The Misogynistic Fuckboy
These guys are extremely judgmental and sexist. They tend to talk shit about all of their exes, using the word “crazy” very liberally, suggesting these girls have all wronged them in some way. These fuckboys are actually huge pussies deep down. Hobbies include playing the victim; nothing is ever their fault.
7. The Vampire Fuckboy
These boys legit do not exist during the day; they only emerge when the sun goes down. They see no reason to text you in the daytime, and are just horny night creatures that prey on you through texting. These fuckboys are just looking to get it in and get out.
8. The Complete Mess Fuckboy
Really adorable, leather jacket-wearing, drunk messes that you want to take care of so badly, but they are emotionally unavailable and mentally unstable. They tend to be huge bums who chain smoke shitty cigarettes and have no direction in life whatsoever. You know they’re bad news, but you kind of wish you could believe them when they say “You’re the only girl I talk to.”
DISCLAIMER: Keep in mind, men are rarely a cut and dry example of one of these fuckboys. Rather, each of these types represent a thread, which, when woven together, result in a colorful, all-encompassing blanket of terrible.