Your breakup was straight out of a telenovela, complete with bouts of screaming, accusations, and insults being flung across each other (that’s if you’re lucky enough that no actual objects were flung). You somehow managed to survive the drama, although certainly not unscathed. Now, here you are, left to wallow in your pain and misery.
Normally, this is when you’d text your BFF to rush over and rescue you with a gallon of ice cream and a non-judgmental listening ear. Except, this time, you can’t because the antagonist of the soap opera in your life is your best friend. While it isn’t an amorous split, it hurts as much as any loss you’ve ever grieved.
That’s because getting dumped by your BFF is very similar to getting dumped by your ex:
1. Shock and Denial:
You wake up in pure denial asking yourself, “Did I screw it all up?” Knowing that your squad depends on it, you try to mend things. Treading dangerous waters, you send a text the next morning with enough emojis to over-compensate for the things you wish you could take back. Days pass, no response. You start cyber-stalking his or her feed and read way too much into each post by interpreting each caption as an obscure message directed at you.
Realizing there is no way to salvage the friendship, your anxiety kicks in. You remember the amounts of information your former bestie is privy to and you realize just how vulnerable you are. You watch that person’s snaps and troll the posts; only to find you’ve been replaced by a rebound friend. Jealousy brings out your inner-Waldorf and you begin plotting public takedowns. Enter a new, slightly more attractive even if less compatible, new best friend that you can rebound with.
In a struggle to find some meaning out of the friendship you swore would last forever, you start living like Drake’s ex. You figure that wearing less and going out more, hanging with some girls your ex-BFF has never seen before, will “fill the void.” You make sure to snap every minute of it hoping this will empower you. You convince yourself you’re better off and happier too.
When bargaining doesn’t help and you realize this friendship is really over, the real mourning begins. You start avoiding all the old familiar places. Suddenly your favorite artisanal doughnuts sold at that hipster pop-up shop seem to have no flavor. You lose any interest in going out to any bars for fear of running into your old biffle — and opt for lonely nights of binge-drinking wine and watching Netflix instead. Still, you miss your friend terribly — all the time — and all you think about is, “if only we could have closure.”
Eventually you come to terms with the fact that the friendship was great while it lasted, but it’s over for a reason. You learn closure is the unicorn of the relationship world and the best kind you can give yourself is to close the door on this friendship. Finally, you’re back to you and start building a new squad.
There is hope. Even if you aren’t there yet, knowing that eventually you will reach a final “acceptance” stage can give you some relief. The knowledge that breaking up with your BFF is no different than any other breakup you’ve been through will give you the optimism needed to trudge through all of those stages of loss. So, although this friendship may have taken a turn for the worst, you know that there are brighter days ahead for you.