Unsurprisingly, a position with the job title “server” can be kind of demeaning. Between irate customers acting like the burger you just brought them is more of a person than you and the whole tipping situation, it can be a real bitch.
So in celebration of National Waitress day, let’s do every server’s favorite thing: Complain about all the things that make our job so damn annoying.
1. You approach a table, smiling and full of good cheer, when suddenly, like the ominous tones of a horror movie, you hear a foreign accent at your new table. You mentally say goodbye to any expectation of a tip.
2. Working during meal times ensures you are always starving, staring at the full plate of French fries that you’re holding like you’re Golem and it’s the ring, but of course you’re being forced to throw away after a customer decided she wasn’t hungry.
3. You rip open your biweekly check, see $35 and think “Time to treat myself!”
4. Your customer flags you down three times in five minutes about their missing drink order, but it’s not like you can get behind the bar and force the overwhelmed bartender to make it right this second, so like, CHILL LADY, I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
5. Someone gets their burger and insists it’s too cold. You send it back. When they get it the second time, it’s too hot.
6. You don’t truly understand despair and desperation until you leave work after a slow night. You wonder whether you’re going to have to cave and sell your eggs or something to survive.
7. “Please wait to be seated!” the sign on the hostess stand says in bold font. No one waits to be seated.
8. You’re praying for first cut, but then that bitch who always has some sort of fake-sounding health problem starts muttering about her cold and how she’s not sure she can stay much longer.
9. “I would love to have your cobb salad, but with no tomato or bacon, and make it kale instead of romaine, and no croutons please, and no egg either, but can you add chicken and also add cheese? Dressing on the side-not balsamic, though. What dressings do you have?” Okay, yeah, that’s not our cobb salad. That’s you literally making something else entirely up.
10. You treat your pens better than you treat your best friends. They are invaluable. You avoid the girl always asking to borrow your pens like she has leprosy.
11. Everyone’s talking about how exciting it is that it’s the weekend while you attempt to mentally prepare for the Friday rush. You hate everyone else and their stupid 9-5’s.
12. You know that no one understands true hatred until they’ve had a 20-top table conveniently come in two minutes before closing time.
13. “I hated it!” they announce proudly, when you ask them if they liked their meal, pointing to their empty plate like it’s a badge of honor. Nice one, dad, now take that comedy road on the act and get the fuck out.
14. You’ll be carrying plates that are literally hotter than the fire of Hades, and your table will just stare at you blankly, their shit covering the table. No need to move your stuff guys, I’ll just hold these burning plates like a human table while you eat off them, right?
15. Someone asks you for another Coke, while you’re already running to grab Table 97 ranch dressing, but you have to remember to tell the cook that the woman at Table 3 can’t have any food prepared near shellfish and to put in the two burgers for Table 13 and of course, another table just sat themselves and are staring at you. And they say waitressing doesn’t require much.
16. You hand someone the bill and they start moaning about the price to you, because yes, obviously, the person running around grabbing you water all night, is in charge of deciding whether the sandwich is $3 more if you sub fries.
17. You hand someone the bill and they hand you eight credit cards in return. “You can split that, right?”
18. Someone tips you all in coins. I’m not from the 1950s. I do not want these coins, either.
So, cheers to you fellow servers! You handle a lot of shit doing a job most people don’t think twice about. Have a drink and celebrate National Waiter/Waitress Day this Saturday-haha, just kidding, it’s the weekend, you’ll be working.